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It’s masturbation month!
And you know what that means Lusties… it’s time to indulge in some real, honest discussion about pleasure – and it’s time for a giveaway!
I was invited to write a piece for i News in the UK for this month. As an adult filmmaker, it’s easy to just dismiss my work as wank-bank fodder, material used for masturbating and nothing else. And although I feel a strong desire to deny that, it’s true – people do masturbate when they watch my films. But does that mean they can only be that – and can’t be artistic, theatrical, cinematic, amusing, profound, touching, moving or even scary? Of course not! And for the record, it works the other way around too. Who here can honestly raise their hand and say they don’t have a favourite Hollywood movie scene that turns them on more than any porno. Basic Instinct anyone?
The fact that I make adult cinema and the fact that my work is still judged and stigmatised is not just a reflection of a patriarchy where men are encouraged to pursue whichever desire or dream they wish – but a society that stigmatises female sexuality, in the same moment that it praises and encourages hyperactive male libidos. But you knew this, right? If you didn’t, what would you be doing on my blog! It’s old hat now to know that as a species we are encouraged to divide ourselves into a binary – a gender binary. Our sexual organs are painfully stitched into our gender identities, and our personalities, tastes, behaviors and desires are expected to fit into the expected gender that they “should” correlate with. Men should be aggressive, sexual, dominating – they take what they want and we encourage this kind of behaviour, especially in sex, in Hollywood films where a man forcefully kisses, pursues and coerces a woman into having sex with him; and even more so in porn, where women exist merely as vehicles on the road to the sacred male ejaculation.
And on the other hand, women, who have been historically (but not always) been considered the weaker version of the species, must fulfill the male’s need to be superior, by being inferior. Receiver of instruction, of penetration. Woman’s sexuality is secondary to male, not because “men are hornier” or “men have more testosterone and therefore are more sexually aggressive”. Woman’s sexuality is historically misunderstood, under researched, ignored and hidden. Repression of female sexuality hasn’t caused women to be “less sexual”. But it has made the conversation around female sexuality rarer – and because of ongoing puritanical repression and stigma, it’s still difficult to talk to women about masturbation.
So I’ve made it my mission this month to get you talking. I’m announcing a give-away: 10 year-long XConfessions memberships, for free! All you have to do is take a picture of your orgasm face, upload it to instagram with the hashtag #cumoutloud, and get involved in the masturbation conversation! One orgasm, one victory. Join me, and #CumOutLoud!