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21 March 2019

This week’s guide: An ode to Condoms! 

Condoms – one of the greatest, and also one of the most under-appreciated inventions ever. The so called “rubber vulcanization process” was invented by Charles Goodyear in 1839, and patented in 1844. Condoms have been literally saving lives and making sex more safe and enjoyable, especially for women, for over 175 years. And so far, nobody has come up with a better, cheaper, more accessible option for safer sex. Let that sink in.

Despite their undeniable greatness, I hear a lot of complaints and criticisms about condoms, especially from men, but there are also many vagina owners who don’t like them: “I don’t feel as much as I do during sex with a condom”, “they’re such mood killers” and so on. To everyone bitching about how condoms deprive them of their sexual pleasure, you know what deprives us of our sexual pleasure? Fear of unwanted pregnancy, having to put crazy amounts of hormones into our bodies in the form of the contraceptive pill, and STIs.

So this week I want to talk about condoms, because condoms are great and there is SO much to know about them in order to use and fully enjoy them. The right condom is an underestimated source of pleasure for all parts involved


First of all, internalise this: Trying to pressure or trick someone into having sex without a condom is sexual assault. 

From the movie “The Couch Surfer” available on XConfessions

You think this sounds a bit radical? Well, it is absolutely not and if you don’t agree with this you have not understood what consent means. It was a very conscious choice to start this week’s guide with this statement, because I think a lot of people have not fully understood it and it’s time we pay more attention to it. 

So repeat after me: TRYING TO PRESSURE OR TRICK SOMEONE INTO HAVING SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM IS SEXUAL ASSAULT. Trying to guilt him, her or them into compromising their health to increase your pleasure is disrespectful, coercive and abusive. 

Taking a condom off in the middle of sex without your partners consent is called “stealthing” and it is a serious criminal offence. A few months ago a German police officer has been found guilty of sexual assault for removing a condom without his partner agreeing to it

I know SO many people, especially women, who have been in a situation like this. The guy doesn’t want to have sex without a condom and then the discussion starts: “Oh c’mon, what’s the big deal” , “you can trust me”, “It’s just so much better without one”. Even just writing this makes me angry. 

It is absolutely not ok and there is no excuse for it. Everyone, wanting to use a condom for penetrative sex or oral sex does not make you less exciting and it does not make sex with you less awesome. It is your right to use a condom and you should never have to argue about it, ever! If you have to actively convince your sex partners to put on a condom, something is going very, very wrong.

And just to be very clear about this: If somebody says “yes…ok” or stops complaining or arguing after having to justify their initial “NO”  – that’s not consent.

If you’re going to say now “but there are just a lot of people who prefer having sex without a condom” – I am not talking about them. I am not talking about those of you who decide together to not use a condom and practice consensual unprotected sex or have decided to use other contraceptive methods. You do what you think is right. But nobody should be pressured into doing something they are not comfortable with.

Statistics about condom use

From the movie ” Pierre, Valentine & Catalina” – available on XConfessions

It was not easy to find a valuable and recent, large-scale study about the use of condoms, so if somebody knows of a better one than this – please send it my way! I would love to read it.

I found a study conducted between September 2011 and September 2015 (Copen, 2017). The researchers questioned 11,300 women and more than 9,300 men about their behaviours concerning the use of condoms. They found that: 

    • – about 24 percent of women and 34 percent of men used a condom during their last sexual intercourse.


    • – Among those who used condoms, nearly 60 percent of women and 56 percent of men said condoms were the only means of contraception used in the past year.


    • – Another 25 percent of women and 33 percent of men used condoms plus hormonal methods such as birth control pills or implants.


    • – 15 percent of women and 10.5 percent of men used condoms plus non-hormonal contraception.


      • – Copen also found that during past month intercourse, 18 percent of women and nearly 24 percent of men used a condom every time.


    • – Nearly 7 percent of women who used a condom in the past month said the condom broke or fell off during intercourse or withdrawal. Nearly 26 percent said they used a condom only part of the time during intercourse.

I could not find any study of how many people have been pressured into unprotected sex, by the way. To me, this indicates once again how little our law and research reflects actual consent. 

These statistics show that there is obviously still a need for more education about condoms. Especially the relatively high frequency of condoms that break or fall off suggests that many people don’t use condoms correctly. 


Benefits of using condoms 

From the movie “Moist” – available on XConfessions
    • – Condoms are relatively affordable and accessible. 


  • – Condoms are the only form of birth control that protects against STIs and HIV.

I personally am not a fan of sex education that focuses on spreading fear of STIs and we should never be shaming people who have one. In fact, it is very likely that you’ll have one at some point throughout your adult life. But I do believe that we should be informed about them and be able to speak openly about them so we can protect ourselves. So even if you are taking other contraceptives, using a condom just adds another layer of protection.

  • – There are usually no side effects, unlike with other birth control methods. 

When people say “but why don’t you just take the pill? I really have to contain myself not to be rude sometimes. For decades we’ve been fed the belief that the contraceptive pill is magic – it makes our skin better, our boobs bigger… oh and it can also cause depression, severe lack of libido, increased cancer risk… should I continue? I really wish young girls were better educated before they start putting hormones into their bodies for years and years without being fully aware of the consequences. Condoms are a safe way to avoid hormonal contraception methods.

  • Condoms can be fun. They come in various materials, shapes, flavours and styles that can increase pleasure for you and your partner. 


Have you experienced issues with condoms? They don’t fit well?  Find them itchy? Well, keep reading. Maybe you are not using the right one for you.


How much do you actually know about your options when it comes to Condoms? 

From the movie “Latex Sessions” available on XConfessions


Every men and his penis are different and so are condoms. To enjoy the use of them and to ensure safety during sex it is very important that you find the right size for you. If you often have issues with condoms breaking or falling of, it is very likely that you are using a wrong size. 

Before you decide upon what condom size you need, you must measure your erect penis size, both length and girth. Use that measurement as a guide, selecting condoms that have similar measurements.

Sizes can vary from brand to brand, there is no absolute rule for who should use which condom sizes, but the following guidelines, which are in inches, may help (taken from Medical News Today): 

  • a girth of less than 4.7″ needs a snug fit
  • a girth of 4.7–5.1″ needs a regular fit
  • a girth of 5.1–6″ needs a large fit


If you’ve bought and used condoms before, you probably know that there are differences in thickness. Sometimes brands advertise with “ultra-thin” condoms for more sensation. 

While you’d assume that the thinner a condom is, the more sensation you would feel, there is actually little hard evidence to support this. But just give it a try! If you have more comfortable sex with ultra thin condoms, who are scientists to tell you what you feel? 

PS: Extra Thick does not mean extra safe!!


The material of the condom matters a great deal. If you have experienced unpleasant itching or pain while using a condom you might be allergic to latex, which is the most commonly used material for condoms. But, don’t stress! There are other non-latex alternatives out there that you can try, like polyurethane, and lambskin. Remember that Latex condoms should not be used with oil-based lubricant, because it can break down latex.

detailed info about material taken from Medical News Today

Polyurethane is a plastic material used in many contexts, from insulation to furniture and condoms. Polyurethane condoms are usually thinner than latex condoms, and they are better at transferring heat.

Polyurethane condoms provide effective barriers against HIV and bacterial STIs. However, polyurethane is less flexible than latex, which makes them slightly more fragile than latex condoms.

Polyisoprene is very similar to latex, but it lacks the proteins that can sometimes cause allergic reactions. These condoms are slightly thicker than polyurethane, but they are softer and feel more natural than latex.

Lambskin condoms do not contain lamb’s skin, but are still not for people who want to avoid using animal products. They contain lamb cecum, a part of the intestine. The cecum is thin, durable, and good at transferring heat. Unfortunately, lambskin condoms may not protect against STIs or HIV.

Other Extras:

    • – Flavored condoms can enhance oral sex.


    • Lubrification can make a big difference. Some condoms are enhanced with desensitizing lube for longer sex, for example. 


    • – They can be ribbed for more pleasure


  • – There are even condoms that Glow-in-the-Dark 😉 The list of fun extras is endless. 


From the movie “Let’s Make a Porno” – available on XConfessions


What do you think about condoms? Do you use them regularly? Let’s talk about it via InstagramFacebook or Twitter or leave a comment on my blog!


The XConfessions App

I know that many people struggle to speak openly about their sexual desires with their partner so I created this app to help those who might feel shy voicing their fantasies. Or maybe you feel totally comfortable speaking about your fantasies, but you’re ready to discover some new kinks that you might not have thought about yet. The XConfessions App can be used for those couples who want to discover some new kinks and spice things up in their sex life.

Read what the media says about it:

A game-changer for exploring sexual fantasies (Elite Daily)

XConfessions app helps couples talk about their fantasies (Bustle)

Erika Lust’s new app is making it easier to talk about kinks and fantasies (Dazed)

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