Hello again, Pandora Blake!
Pandora Blake is a feminist adult performer based in the UK, activist, writer, public speaker and film maker all in one!
She currently runs an award-winning ethical BDSM site and knows the importance of having a diverse range of people in front of and behind the camera in adult cinema.
As part of a series of interviews I wanted to get the real experiences of real women, and how they masturbate! Is it the same for everyone? Of course not! And the more we explore our differences and similarities, the more we can understand that there is no normal, only what feels good for you.
Pandora runs Dreams of Spanking
Check out my previous interview with her on BDSM & Kink here!
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What’s the weirdest object you’ve ever used? (Porn implies women just shove anything up there, right?!)
Oooh, I like the way we’re getting stuck straight in, as it were! To be honest I haven’t used anything particularly weird since I became an adult who could afford sex toys, and started having sex regularly – weird masturbation techniques was more of a feature of my teenage years, when I was desperately horny and not getting any. I remember being twelve or thirteen, so hungry to experience penetration but naturally didn’t have any sex toys, and looking around the house for things I could slide inside myself to experience the feeling of fullness I so longed for. I ended up using wax candles, and one of those slim cylindrical deodorant canisters – with the lid on of course! I also self spanked with a wooden hairbrush and other things, but it was all a bit unsatisfying as what I really wanted was the feeling of being dominated. Oh, and I did put wooden clothes pegs on my nipples in lieu of nipple clamps – actually I still do that from time to time 😉
What is the face you pull when you orgasm on your own?
It’s a kind of scrunched-up, eyes closed face – sometimes my eyes roll back in my head. If you’re curious you can see my orgasm face in my shoot for Beautiful Agony! (Search for scene #3697)
What colour is your orgasm?
I bet lots of people say this, but for me it’s a reddish purple – a really bright, sort of glowy colour. I know for some people orgasm is a searing white light, but that’s definitely not me. Sometimes it’s a sunrise sort of red gold light that bubbles up and spreads through me like warm water washing over me and rippling through my body.
Have you ever masturbated in public?
Ooh, yes I have! Not to completion, but I have definitely had a fondle under my coat on trains on occasion…
Have you ever been caught masturbating?
So far I’ve always got away with it, so don’t tell anyone 🙂
How quickly or slowly do you cum? According to Kinsey research, some women are as fast as 30 seconds….
It really depends – sometimes less than a minute if I’m really horny, but on average I’d say 3-5 minutes. Most of the time these days I masturbate at bedtime, and it’s usually slower if I’m tired. It can take 10-15 minutes, but sometimes it’s nice to be leisurely and take your time.
What advice would you give to a woman who can’t orgasm. Or a woman who doesn’t enjoy masturbating?
I would tell her that it’s completely okay if she doesn’t enjoy masturbating, and that orgasms are not compulsory, but that she deserves to feel pleasure in whatever forms she wants it. If she has the desire to enjoy sexual or sensual pleasure, then she is completely entitled to do whatever she would like to in order to enjoy those sensations. I’d ask her what turns her on, if anything, and what feels good, and invite her to explore and enjoy more of those things. Masturbation doesn’t have to be frigging your clit or using a vibrator – it can be tying your ankles to the bedposts, sitting on the washing machine, grinding a pillow, or seeing how the shower head feels spraying water on different parts of your body.
How old were you when you started?
I started doing exploratory stuff like touching and fondling – just exploring my body and what felt nice – from when I was about seven. I moved on to penetrating myself with my fingers from when I was around eleven or twelve. At that age I started to feel horny, and I used to steal my mum’s erotic books and finger myself in bed or in the bathroom. I didn’t make myself come until I had my first orgasm aged thirteen or fourteen, with my best friend with whom I was playing hot role playing games! Until I’d had an orgasm with a partner, I couldn’t get myself off, but afterwards I could make myself come easily – and did, all the time!
In this XConfession, they talk about how there should be public (or private, maybe) masturbation areas in airports, like smoking rooms, because masturbation is a basic human need! Do you agree?
Ooh, what an interesting concept! I’m not sure that I believe that masturbation is a basic human need to be honest, certainly not in any urgent sense where rooms should be provided, and I don’t think I would use a public masturbation area if there was one, unless it was female/non-binary only, as I don’t like the idea of being ogled by men I don’t know. But I do enjoy watching other people touch themselves if the vibe is right and their attitude is self-contained rather than creepy. If its consensual with everyone in the space, it can be a really relaxed and low-pressure way of enjoying public play.
Do you think it’s still a taboo subject? If so, why??
I think it is! I go to quite a lot of sex-positive spaces and it’s still much more acceptable in most of them to be fooling around with a partner than it is to be fooling around with yourself. This is especially true if you’re a penis owner – there’s the stereotype of the ‘wanky man’ whose behaviour is creepy and non-consensually voyeuristic, and who is perving on others in the space in a way that doesn’t ask permission, and is kind of taking something without giving anything back.
I hear sometimes about monogamous folks who would feel bad if their partner masturbated without them, and I just boggle when I hear it – that sort of jealousy seems so controlling and unnecessary! If you think about it, solo sex is safe sex, in an STI sense, a pregnancy sense, and the sense of avoiding the risk of coercion or violation. I’d love to see it celebrated and enjoyed more by people who want to do it in private – and watching a partner masturbate can be super hot!
Have you ever come across an image which you think perfectly represents an orgasm?
No I haven’t, but a while back Girl on the Net did an illustration competition for our best orgasm images, and there were some amazing contenders. I can’t remember which one I voted for, but looking at them again I’m really struck by the image by Charlie J Forrest.