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Taking Pride in “Gender Bender” – The XConfessions Release celebrating Pride Month 2018

NEW RELEASE | XConfessions
Gender Bender – by Erika Lust

🌈 Pride Month 🌈 is all about love and support, about celebrating the beauty of diversity and about learning to love the uniqueness in ourselves and in othersPride is about overcoming the boundaries and limits of socially constructed gender norms and about allowing ourselves to be free to discover and define our true identities. But in times like these, where we increasingly see the rights of queer people all over the world being violated and disrespected, it is also about fighting and about solidarity and about taking a stand in the fight for equality.

I have been thinking about my role as an ally in the fight for justice and freedom of the LGBTQ+ community a lot lately. I think it is of crucial importance to constantly reflect on how we can be supportive AND make sure that queer voices stay in the center of the pride celebrations. We don’t need to listen to another heterosexual, cis-gendered woman talking about Pride Month, if you know what I mean 😉

Thanks to my job as a director and producer I have a very special advantage: I can make people see things from a different angle. I can make people feel things and I can make people empathise. The LGBTQ+ community celebrates in a number of different ways and I wanted to contribute to Pride Month in my own way: by making a movie that portrays the beauty of breaking gender norms and that creates space for the people that really matter this month! With the release of Gender Bender, I would like to thank all the brave LGBTQ+ community members, activists and allies around the world that are fighting for social justice and against discrimination everyday to make the world a little better for all of us, LGBTQ+ or not.

When I read the Confession for Gender Bender for the first time, I got that mixed feeling of excitement and calmness that you get when you know that you’ve discovered something great. I thought it was so overwhelmingly beautiful, honest and free that I knew immediately I had found my pride month celebratory movie.

Gender Bender – We Are So Much More Than Just ONE Thing! 

My boyfriend and I are both bisexual, somewhat androgynous looking, and are discovering our gender identity more thoroughly as we grow up in a world where that’s suddenly more okay to do. I’m strongly feminist, but my boyfriend is still trying to understand what that means to me, and what he thinks about it. Because of this, our sex life is very pg-13 and traditional. But still beautiful and intimate in its own way.
Sometimes I imagine us as freer people who are more comfortable in our skin and more expressive about the many facets of who we are.
I imagine we go back home to our respective apartments, and we dress as each other’s genders. I imagine binding my breasts, removing my make-up, slicking back my pixie cut, sneaking away a strap on into my noticeably baggier pants, and leaving as dapper as can be.
Not too far away, my boyfriend is shaving his legs and face in the shower, coming out clean as a whistle, he is trying on my most delicately lacy bras, slipping into my favorite dress. He swipes mascara over his long blond eyelashes and blushes his cheeks. He slips a bobby pin into his shaggy hair to neaten it as he leaves the house.
We meet at a bar. I buy him a glass of my favorite wine and he gifts me with his favorite whiskey. We talk, we discover each other, we fall in love all over again with this new face on a familiar body.
We get friendlier. I’m slipping my fingertips under his skirt as he whispers something coy in my ear. We pay each other’s bills and leave the bar.
Cut to us laughing uncontrollably as we burst through the door of my apartment. I can’t help myself, I’m pressing him to the wall and sucking hard on his neck as he moans with delight. Letting him feel my silicone arousal against his smooth thighs. I remove my dress from him in hurry, run my hands over his porcelain stomach and under the wires and lace of the bra. I gently toss him to the bed in the middle of my tiny studio apartment, his skin glows golden now in the dimmer light. He lands all fours. He’s begging me to enter him.

iamtoshine’s confession on

🌈Watch the trailer below!🌈


I Wanted To Film A Black And White Movie With Rainbow Colours All Over It!

Kali and Dante were the PERFECT choice for the cast of Gender Bender. They both like to exist outside of the binary in terms of gender, and sexuality and they are very good friends in real life that are very comfortable and loving with each other. I gave them a lot of freedom regarding the sex scene of the movie. I wanted them to have as much fun as possible and I wanted to give them the opportunity to show the audience what they wanted them to see.

I remember Kali calling me from Berlin just a day before the shoot because she had an idea while strolling through a sex shop in Friedrichshain, Berlin. She explained to me over the phone that she had found a packing cock, and not just any packing cock but one in her skin colour! For your explanation, a packing cock is a flaccid dildo used by people who are transitioning or playing with their gender.

Not everyone is familiar with the term, so it’s OK if you weren’t either 😉 Anyway, this is how the packing scene in the movie came about and I think it turned out great. Kali sure had fun walking around town with her brand new cock and having Dante suck on it ;).

I didn’t want to direct the two of them on how to play with their gender identities and how to act on set. I wanted THEM to show ME what bending gender looks like and they did. The atmosphere on set was brilliant and watching Kali and Dante enjoying themselves like this was truly inspiring.

Imagine A World Free Of Gender

…Or at least a world that doesn’t force us into a men-or-women-binary every day. It is very hard to imagine, because nearly every single thing you do is gendered: The way we dress, the way we express and the way we have sex. But the gender stereotypes that exist today are out-dated expectations left over from generations past and they are not sufficient for our society anymore. I think we deserve to be free to become whatever versions of ourselves we want to.  I think a lot of people fear, that a world without gender norms and restrictions would mean that everyone becomes the same. But I think it would allow people to be truly different. And not because of the roles imposed upon them from the moment they were born and a doctor defined them as either male or female, but because of the choices they make.

In a world free of gender, we would have to adjust and unlearn certain things, but it would be worth it in the end. I hope that that’s the message I brought across with Gender Bender. I hope that it will encourage people to be whole individuals that allow themselves to bend and exceed the rigid limits of masculinity and femininity.


Take a look Behind the Scenes below!

In XConfessions, people from all over the world share their sexual stories and fantasies. Every month I pick two and turn them into cinematic short films. Still not a member of XConfessionsRegister now! Or share your sexual fantasy, and it might become a short film 😉

All photos in this post are by Adriana Eskenazi

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