26 August, 2014

If you read my blog and keep up with my facebook, then you will already know I’m a big fan of the Representation Project – a film and media movement tackling gender stereotypes and the inequalities that come from them.

After Cate Blanchett called one reporter out at the beginning of this year at the SAG awards – rousing an ‘amen sister’ from us all – by the time this year’s emmy awards took place in Hollywood, there was a conceded effort to change the way women are treated on the red carpet. These are some of the best actresses of our time, being celebrated for outstanding performances, and yet all we seem to glean from their pre-show interviews is who designed their dress, whether they had a manicure, what’s in their purse, or how things are with their husband or baby. Come on – it’s 2014 not 1954!

Cue the Representation Project’s latest awareness effort. Following the great response to the #notbuyingit campaign to end sexism in advertising, comes the #askhermore hashtag. If you’ve seen the cringe-worthy questions directed at women before (it is just me, or do most of the actresses seem to hate every moment of it as much as we do?) on the red carpet, you will agree it is high time to be asking something better, like:

 

Unfortunately, there were still a few determined journalists hell-bent on sticking to the usual vapid inquiries. However, they will always meet their match in the likes of actresses like comedienne Sarah Silverman, who unapologetically refused to talk about her outfit or looks, and played the entire experience like the joke that it really was.

Because the fact is that roles for women in movies and TV aren’t great, but they are getting better – thanks in part to the talented, outspoken women in Hollywood. But since we are the real consumers eating up what the entertainment industry serves, we have the power to demand better roles, deeper characters, more heroines and thoughtful questions posed to the actresses who play them.


25 August, 2014

Beauty, bondage and ball-gags … oh my!

No matter how many times I watch this video (it IS a year old at this point, after all), I still get the tingles. Directed by Álvaro de la Herrán, it was commissioned by GQ Spain to play off the bdsm-fairy-tale we’ve been seeing on bookshelves for the whole year, and which will shortly be turned into a hollywood film (unfortunately).

Now, if de la Herrán’s gorgeous, sumptuous, captivating take were on the silver screen, I’d be waiting in line for tickets like everyone else. His extremely erotic interpretation of the bdsm relationship between a man and a woman is breathtaking: “it’s clear to me that in a contemporary sexual relationship, a kiss hides more than a tongue.”

Enjoy and happy Monday :)


21 August, 2014

The most arousing think about This Voyeurs Life project is the feeling of intimacy. Usually the rush in being a voyeur is in being taboo – the observer of something that is private and not meant to be seen by prying eyes. But these erotic photo sets and short films are something else entirely … for me, they don’t so much inspire this naughty feeling of an outsider looking in, but rather that I am part of this couple’s experience.

thisvoyeurslife

In most pornos, you want to identify as one character or the other (or both!) – fantasizing about receiving that pleasure, trying that sex move, or what it would be like to fuck that person. But, as I said, This Voyeurs Life is different. I feel like I’m there, just entering the room, and poised to get involved myself. The subjects don’t feel unreachable, they seem to be just within my grasp: I could brush her hair back, I could kiss him, I can practically feel their hands running over my skin. It’s a truly intimate experience of visual erotica.

On the website, erotic filmmaker and creator of this project, Joe Wehner, is still in the process of adding more information and portraits of these gorgeous men and women… and I’m waiting at the edge of my seat! Working out of locations in New York City - mostly in the subject’s own homes – definitely adds to this sense of observing their intimacy in a natural setting. I’m excited to see if this could be a beautiful new genre (already growing thanks to creative amateur couples on Tumblr) of filming intimate, loving sex between amateurs at home.

Do you watch this “homemade by couples” kind of porn? Do you have a favorite site? How do you think this art project compares? Tell me your thoughts in the comments!


20 August, 2014

For those of you who follow my blog and social media, you might remember when the Dutch street artist, Toshy, visited the Lust offices earlier this summer. Here, he designed, printed and created 5 wonderful pieces of art based on some of the most popular XCONFESSIONS posts. And one lucky Facebook follower won the 5th artwork in a random draw!

In a beautiful blend of pop imagery, modern calligraphy and the words from anonymous sex confessions written by the public, these canvases are completely one of a kind. Whether as an arousing reminder hanging in your bedroom to live your fantasies and have confession–worthy sex, or (if you’re really bold) a conversation starter for all your friends and admirers of modern art.

Toshy+Erika_Xconfessions

And the best part is that they are now available for sale in Lust Store! Be sure to check them out … and if you fall in love with a piece, act fast! Because each canvas is totally handmade and unique … and of course there is only one of each.


18 August, 2014

When I came across the link to the Autoblow 2 IndieGoGo campaign, I didn’t think too much about it. In terms of men’s pleasure, it didn’t seem like a game-changing piece of technology or something liable to bring around a sex revolution the way the rabbit vibrator did. Besides, the men’s toy market is already dominated by the fashionable, sleek and innovative Tenga line.

Little did I know that it would prove to be an overnight sensation: raising about 6 times the amount of requested money through the crowd funding site, then – once pre sales began on their website – there were so many orders that their website crashed entirely. This got my attention. Why was this toy selling like crazy?  I mean, come on, it looks like “R2D2 with the mona lisa smile” as one reviewer so aptly observed. Are guys really that starved for blowjobs? Is manual masturbation a chore in today’s world?

autoblow_erikalust

Then it dawned on me: it’s the sheer novelty. There’s no automatic men’s masturbation toy like the Autoblow 2 out there, and demand is high. How is it that there are thousands of different types of vibrators and other toys for women, even for couples to use during sex, but men are for the most part left with a bottle of lotion and their favorite porn site? Could it be possible that in today’s world it is more taboo for men to own sex toys than for women?

In an informal survey by one writer at Betabeat - as well as one heated argument between some of my friends one night over drinks – this was certainly the case. Both women and women seemed to regard toys for men at somehow pathetic or more degrading than masturbation. Guys wouldn’t admit to their friends if they owned one. It was seen as a failure to attract and hook up with a girl. Women said it seemed lazy, or even that they would be angry if they found it in the house.autoblow_erika lust1

What’s the big deal?! Women’s masturbation is far from de-stigmatized, but I’m starting to wonder if there isn’t a strange double standard for men as well. For all my men readers – do you have sex toys? Do you have an Autoblow? What’s your opinion on this – is it really so taboo??


15 August, 2014

For anyone who has read my chapter in The Good Mother Myth, you know my stance on ‘date night’ as a couple with children. In my relationship it’s pretty sacred: we aim for one date a week, and one weekend away from home and kids each month. Early after our first daughter was born, even though I really didn’t want to leave her even for one night, we discovered this formula was really vital to maintaining our relationship, our desire, our identities (as individuals, not just mommy and daddy), and of course our sanity.

Some people think dating should be left in the courtship stage of a relationship, when “dates were just as likely to be filled with nauseating nervousness and pressure as they were with lust and passion.” But I think that if date nights aren’t enjoyable – whether you’re married, with or without kids, or even going on a date for the first time – then it’s a problem with the date, not necessarily your relationship! In the article linked above, the guy kept referencing “romantic” dinner dates, movies and weekends away … I presume in cozy b&bs with aromatherapy for couples and bottles of cava waiting in the room.

date night

Romance and passion are fabulous, but they aren’t the only thing to bring back the lust, or remind you how awesome your partner is. Trying something new together and throwing routine out the window is – in my experience – the very best aphrodisiac…

So ditch the fancy restaurant and head to a food cart or out for a picnic. Instead of the movie, head to a comedy show or concert.
Forget the small talk and 15 euro cocktails and have a blast at your local pub quiz instead. Forget the club scene, too (what are you, in college?) … unless they are having an 80s night, anti-karaoke, or Great Gatsby revival complete with mandatory flapper outfits.
Don’t just walk in the park – run, hike, bike, rollerskate!
Get wet: whether you’re swimming, kayaking, paddle boarding or surfing.
Make a fool of yourself at a dance class or get messy at a cooking class.
Reveal your competitive side at an arcade for adults or with a friendly game of padel or beach volleyball.
If you haven’t been to a single play, opera, or museum in your life, do it.
And don’t forget to check out local festivals (like Holi, Festes de Gracia, or wine & beer festivals).
If you’re feeling ballsy, you can even head to a sex club like the infamous Bagdad.

I hope you try some of these things this weekend! And if you’re already a dating pro, what was the best date you’ve ever been on?