If Only I Had a Dick

It’s no secret that many cis-gendered women often muse on owning the power of the dick. Phallic energy carries both a physical and emotional weight to it as an influential and ubiquitous patriarchal talisman. Thanks to the writer, director, and porn industry powerhouse, Stoya, we finally have a movie to explore what it feels like for a cis-gendered woman to wake up with a ‘dick surprise’ between her legs. As their first collaborative film, Stoya and Erika Lust created If Only I Had a Dick as both a playful and deep contemplation of penis power when yielded by a cis-gendered woman. Featuring performers Calita Fire, Catherine Knight, and Tommy Cabrio as a body and dick double, If Only I Had A Dick is Stoya’s directorial debut as part of Erika Lust. A true icon – Stoya is a semi-retired porn performer, writer and director. She’s also half of Slate’s ‘How to Do it’ column and is the author of ‘Philosophy Pussycats & Porn’.

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The seed for If Only I Had A Dick was planted last April at Lust Affairs – a 3-day exclusive event for media and industry professionals to peel back the curtain and get an inside look at the world of Lust Cinema. It was there that Stoya shared her ‘dick for a day’ confession with Erika Lust, and the two decided to collaborate in creating an erotic musing on phallocentric culture. Inspired by Fiona Giles’ feminist anthology “Dick for a Day”, featuring interviews about how one would behave if they had a dick for 24 hours, Stoya translated this to the screen. Calita wakes up to the reality of a penis between her legs. What follows is an ‘aha moment’ of adventure with both physical and emotional exploration.

In socio-political, economic, and labor spheres, the phallus holds a position of immense power and privilege, deeply ingrained in our collective consciousness. In Stoya’s words, “Dicks telegraph how you’re feeling, and they mean so much in our world - they are indicators of power.” Historical and societal notions of dick energy center on penetration and control, serving as the pinnacle of the patriarchal ideal. Receptive or mysterious energy (read feminine or yonic) is touted as chaotic, ‘less than’, and submissive. Phallocentrism, as a cultural ideology, centers on the symbolic and literal power of the phallus, positioning it as the ultimate signifier of authority, dominance, and masculinity. This fixation on the phallus has deep historical roots, dating back to Greco-Roman belief systems centered on the phallus as an initiator, the driving force behind the reproduction of civilization. Yonic energy is then demoted to that of mere nurturer. And of course…Freud! Freudian psychoanalysis posited the phallus as a central symbol of power and desire. According to Freud, the penis symbolized both physical and metaphorical potency, serving as the ultimate marker of masculinity and authority. This Freudian framework perpetuated the notion of penis envy in women, reinforcing the idea that possessing a phallus was synonymous with power and privilege.

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Phallocentric social beliefs and patriarchy are deeply intertwined, with each reinforcing and perpetuating the other in a symbiotic relationship. Patriarchy, as a social system, is founded on the subjugation of women and the elevation of men to positions of power and authority. Phallocentrism serves as a justification for patriarchy, providing a symbolic framework through which male dominance is rationalized and upheld. The connection between phallocentrism and patriarchy is long-living, highlighting legitimizing and perpetuating systems of male privilege and oppression. Simone de Beauvoir’s "The Second Sex" discusses the ways in which phallocentric beliefs contribute to the subordination of women, relegating them to passive, secondary roles in society.
Similarly, Bell Hooks, in "The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love," argues that phallocentrism is central to the construction of masculinity within patriarchal societies. According to Hooks, the fetishization of the phallus reinforces a narrow and oppressive definition of manhood, which prioritizes dominance, aggression, and control.

The very presence of a penis can shape perceptions of gender, authority, and agency. This can be felt deeply in professional settings when women ‘rise up’ to positions of power. Most often, they are expected to wield ‘dick energy’ as a ‘new member’ to the higher echelons. Rarely does one see a cis-gendered female CEO being celebrated for her vivacious vulva energy! Most likely, it’s more about being one of the ‘members’ of a group of cis-gendered men. In If Only I Had a Dick, Calita is placed in the unexpected position of possessing a penis, inviting the audience to reconsider their preconceived notions about the relationship between power and embodiment. Playing on cultural tropes, her dick discovery soon leads to taking a succession of dick pics. But the beauty of this short film is the insight on how a cis-gendered woman explores this newfound power apparatus with grace and empathy. We certainly don’t see any non-consensual dick pic messaging…something of acceptable and normalized behavior in the cis male counterpart.

The fixation on genitals in our society is undeniable, serving as a focal point for discussions surrounding identity, desire, and belonging. If Only I Had a Dick confronts our collective fascination with genitalia, inviting us to reflect on the ways in which these physical attributes shape our lived experiences. Calita’s day of dick discovery renegotiates assumptions about what it looks like to have a penis. This becomes a haptic wonder during Calita and Catherine’s sensual and sexual encounter – complete with consent, communication, and delight with this newfound apparatus. Stoya and Erika Lust's collaboration offers a nuanced exploration of desire and embodiment, felt through the screen by Calita and Catherine’s palpable chemistry and awe at this fantastical happening. One could even argue that the way in which Calita’s character approaches penetration should be the gold standard for penis-in-vagina sex. If Only I Had A Dick works on both simple and complex levels. The dick is a gorgeous, sensitive piece of flesh to give and receive amazing sensations. Or the dick is the mascot of patriarchy, one to be potentially reappropriated by cis-gendered women in order to redefine and reshape the toxic aspects of masculinity.

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After some ‘alone time’ with her new dick, Calita’s character decides to share her metamorphosis with a hetero cis-gendered friend, played by Catherine Knight. As another level to embracing her newfound anatomy, this is a turning point – she’s ready for some show and tell. Even from a young age, humans become obsessed with their genitalia. And for good reason! There’s a lot of activity in the nether regions, from bathroom basics to the incredible discovery of pleasurable sensations.

Simply said, genitalia are ecosystems in their own right. Whatever the landscape – menstrual, boggy and wet, hard and stiff, soft and pulsing. Calita’s journey through her new dick-shaped world is as much about the liberation felt in exploring new pleasures and sensations as it is the symbolism of power. We can only hope that it comes with a pay raise or promotion at work.