A Reflection on BDSM

When BDSM is evoked, what comes to mind in the common perception? Media, art, and culture taught us to associate BDSM to chains and whips, pain and pleasure - and most of all, to a carnal vision of sexuality as giving in to your most unhinged desires.
Many of us have been unconsciously shaped to oppose our bodily pulsions (for instance, our sexual desires) to our rational minds and wisdom. In that light, it might seem curious to envisage BDSM as an intellectual venture. BDSM is not just fascinating intellectually by the psychology of why we like and do it, or the evolution of how culture depicting the topic has changed throughout the years - from kinky Roman murals, to Mapplethorpe’s photography series, passing by Sade and Victorian-era pornography.

The practice itself of BDSM gains a tremendous amount from being carried out in the same way that we paint ceramics in a trendy cafe or go to a museum. It’s a cerebral process that can call for knowledge and artistry - but whose spiritual, creative, and even meditative values are accessible to all.

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Of course, any discussion of BDSM passes with the reminder to set up a safety protocol to ensure everything is down with all the necessary precautions. Safely practicing BDSM means a variety of things - from ascertaining consent (and making it sexy!), agreeing and respecting the others’ soft/hard limits, to fixing a safeword, practicing regular check-ins, and spending time on aftercare, And these are just a few examples among many of the preventative measures that should be taken - of course, it always depends from case to case, from scene to scene.
Something quite interesting with BDSM is that these safety precautions, much like a cultural tradition or ritual, by distinguishing themselves from vanilla sex in intensity and content, help associate a set of actions to a distinct sexual identity and personal culture within the umbrella of BDSM. The identification process is delivered through differentiation - BDSM’s safety practices distinctly define it compared to vanilla sex, which doesn’t usually require all of these safety practices. The question of a sexual identity being shaped through BDSM is long and complex. Still, in many cases, the essence is also formed through “the power exchange, the discipline and the security” - namely, creating a safe space whose level of trust allows parties to engage in risky action.

Of course, both a BDSM identity and a sexual identity are constantly changing and evolving based on an individual’s life experiences. But given that a BDSM identity, by definition in flux, can offer a form of “solace” or “stability” - perhaps in a paradoxical way - to people whose sexual identities might be constantly questioned and put into doubt. It’s an additional element in which to anchor one’s sexual identity - and therefore quite normal it contributes to foster an inner sense of identity and self-understanding.
In 1886, in his book Psychopathia Sexualis, German psychiatrist von Krafft-Ebbing labeled sadism and masochism, along with other sexual practices, as “paraphilias” or sexual "deviancies": a kind of disorder. Despite numerous scientific studies debunking this perception, the inclination towards BDSM has long been misunderstood as an expression of psychopathology, a misconception that persists even today.
And so, depathologizing BDSM practices has led to the idea of “kink-affirmative therapy” - a form of therapy that, instead of seeking to cure the patient from their kinky desires, works judgment-free, almost hand-in-hand with a BDSM-practicing patient to understand better their past, their traumas, and overcome them.

And this therapeutic virtue of BDSM is intrinsic to it in many ways. Within the safe space created, where standard rules of conduct are subverted, individuals can learn to subvert harmful societal norms, such as restrictive gender roles or gendered codes of attitude - for example, by overcoming the dichotomy of dominant-masculine and submissive-feminine.
More generally, in everyday terms, as BDSM precisely offers a space ranging from a slightly different to a completely contrary reality, it gives a chance to escape from self-awareness. This makes BDSM enjoyable - it creates an alternate world where the individuals’ standard identities are set aside, all of the stress and burdens of selfhood and the modern world. For some, it can offer the same level of escapism that we look for when we watch a movie or a book. For some people, it’s a big part of the appeal - the ability it gives you to dissociate from all of reality’s norms. If it’s something we seek, BDSM can make us travel and distract ourselves from our daily plights, yet at the same time, remain connected to our world, our self, and our traumas such that we learn about ourselves on this short trip.

The BDSM alternate reality comes with a sense of freedom which will subsequently give free rein to an individual’s creativity as BDSM shapes into a form of artistic expression: “it is a process of energy, pain, and beauty that encapsulates a particular time and space, where power was exchanged between the Dominant and submissive”. The body becomes the canvas, and every detail - from the exact practices to the attitude of the individuals, expresses a different nuance of emotions and thoughts. You have to be resourceful, and creative, to come up with situations or tools you can use that will satisfy your desires and discover how to channel your feelings within scenes with a partner. It’s a work of constant renewal - just as your desires and needs change, you need to come up with new, ingenious ways to satisfy them - but only with the means available in the world around you. BDSM offers, in all dimensions, and for all identities and preferences, the opportunity to exercise your imagination and try to come up with the acts that fit your momentaneous desire by using the infinite possibilities around you. It’s a matter of inventiveness. Elements of daily life: household tools, everyday banal interactions - anything can become possible a BDSM tool, if you’re creative enough…

As a matter of fact, studies have proven that “the altered state of consciousness that attends dominating and/or being dominated by a sexual partner can lead to a state of “flow” that in turn enhances awareness and creativity.” Not only will it enable individuals to tap into their creative unconscious, and practice their imagination, but it also comes with meditative benefits, whereby some might achieve transient hypofrontality - the feeling that time has slowed down. TH is a state of flow - you become immersed in the “now,” fully present.
Almost like the state of complete awareness, you aim for while meditating.

This is nothing new. There is an exact term for the trancelike state that submissives might sometimes attain amid BDSM scenes: subspace. Induced by the combination of pain and pleasure trademark of BDSM, it’s a completely altered mind state, more trancelike and dissociative than transient hypofrontality. More so than transient hypofrontality, it almost transports you to another dimension, like a hallucinogenic substance. As such, subspace is a bit extreme: hard to attain, and with its own risk component, and, especially, one must be extremely careful when venturing and playing with subspace. But the fact is, that, in any BDSM scene, you can come close to achieving a state of creative flow. This can be a great stress reliever, and a simply enjoyable process, in which you attain a greater mindfulness of the world around you.

As such, next time you do BDSM - whether lightly and painlessly or more hardcore as a science you’ve been practicing for a while, remember that it goes beyond the mere pleasure of giving or receiving pain. Like exercise, meditation, or art, it’s both therapeutic and challenging - a process that you have mental (although maybe not physical) guidance over. It’s a multifaceted practice that extends beyond its sexual connotations. The creative aspects of BDSM provide a profound opportunity for individuals to explore their desires, establish boundaries, challenge societal norms, and express their imaginations.

By emphasizing safety, acknowledging the therapeutic potential, recognizing BDSM as an art form, and understanding its ability to induce a state of flow and transient hypofrontality, we can begin to appreciate the richness and complexity of this realm of human expression.