Guest Writers

Creating a More Inclusive Dating World

Creating a More Inclusive Dating World

The Need to Educate, Reflect, and Challenge
Jay Jay Revlon | June 14, 2023 | 7 min. read

To create a more inclusive dating environment, we must educate ourselves, reflect on our biases, and challenge Discrimination. The dating world can be unwelcoming for marginalized groups, particularly LGBTQ+ people of color.

By supporting inclusive dating platforms and amplifying marginalized voices, we can create a safer space for all to form meaningful relationships.

Do you know the full LGBT acronym?
Well, it is too long to put here, so if you got an extra 3 mins, here you go:


Creating a more inclusive dating environment requires education, reflection, and action. Unfortunately, it is known that for certain groups of people, the dating environment can often be exclusive and unwelcoming, particularly if one identifies as LGBTQ+ and/or come from an ethnic and racial minority background. Statistics show that people of color face racial Discrimination in online dating, with Asian men and Black women being consistently rated as less attractive than other racial groups on dating apps. LGBTQ+ people of color are also more likely to experience Discrimination and violence than their white LGBTQ+ counterparts, making navigating the dating world as a member of multiple marginalized communities even more challenging. I definitely feel this.

Hey, I am Jay Jay, known as Jay Jay Revlon, a dynamic force in the world of entertainment and nightlife known for his infectious energy and impeccable music selection. As a London-based DJ, producer, and event organizer, I have worked to become an influential figure in the LGBTQ+ community and the city's vibrant club scene.

My dedication to creating inclusive spaces celebrating diversity and self-expression is evident through my legendary club night, "Let's Have a Kiki." Inspired by the Scissor Sisters' hit song, this event has grown into a beloved institution, renowned for its electrifying atmosphere and showcasing phenomenal talent from the ballroom scene. My advocacy for LGBTQ+ rights and visibility further extend my impact, amplifying marginalized voices and promoting positive change.

BALL (noun)

An event in ballroom culture where gay, transgender, and queer members of the ballroom scene gather and compete for awards in a series of categories based on self-expression. Free agents and competitors from different houses walk for awards based on appearance, attitude, dance, attire, and realness.

When we look at Queer communities, often the conversation is about the ballroom scene, which has had light shed by Pose FX, Legendary HBO, and Paris is Burning. Paris Is Burning sets a foundation, as the body of this film highlights how Ball culture was an underground LGBT subculture that emerged in New York City in the 1920s and has since spread to other major cities in the United States. It is centered around "balls," which are events where members of the community gather to compete in categories such as voguing, runway modeling, and drag performance. The ball culture is known for its elaborate costumes, makeup, and hairstyles and has been a considerable influence on mainstream popular culture. The ball culture also serves as a space for queer and transgender people of color, historically marginalized and excluded from mainstream society, to come together and express themselves freely. Despite facing ongoing challenges such as poverty, violence, and Discrimination, the ball culture continues to thrive and evolve, providing a supportive and empowering community for its members.

In the dating world, to combat racism, we must educate ourselves about diverse cultures and traditions, reflect on our biases and prejudices, and challenge any instances of Discrimination we encounter.

Research has shown that people who identify as LGBTQ+ are more likely to date outside of their race or ethnicity than their straight counterparts. However, LGBTQ+ people of color are less likely to receive messages from other users on dating apps than white LGBTQ+ users. Additionally, a 2020 survey found that 60% of LGBTQ+ people had experienced Discrimination on dating apps, with 70% based on ethnicity, race, or nationality.

Creating a more inclusive dating environment requires supporting inclusive dating platforms and amplifying the voices of marginalized communities. This can involve seeking out dating apps and websites that cater to specific racial or ethnic communities, as well as policies in place to prevent Discrimination and harassment. By working towards greater Inclusivity and diversity in the dating world, we can create a safer and more welcoming space for all people to connect and form meaningful relationships, regardless of race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation.

Certainly! Here are some additional facts and statistics that highlight the importance of creating a more inclusive dating environment:

  • According to a 2019 survey conducted by, 63% of respondents said they would go on a date with someone outside of their race. However, only 14% said they had been on a date with someone outside of their race in the past year.

These statistics indicate the discrepancy between people's willingness to date outside their race and their dating behaviors. It shows that while many people may be open to dating someone of a different race or ethnicity, they may not be actively seeking out these connections or may not be successful in forming them. Those stats highlight the need for greater awareness and education around issues of race and ethnicity in the dating world, as well as the need for supportive and inclusive dating platforms that can facilitate these connections.

  • A 2018 study conducted by the dating app "Ok. Cupid" found that people who identify as LGBTQ+ are more likely to date outside of their race or ethnicity than their straight counterparts. However, the study also found that LGBTQ+ people of color are less likely to receive messages from other users on the app than white LGBTQ+ users.
    Christopher Ponce Undergraduate Student of Sociology/Social Work Option Department of Sociology. California State Polytechnic University Pomona in 2020 Found Gay men's use of Grindr has been linked to negative impacts on their self-esteem and mental health. One of the toxic behaviors found on the app is the presentation of hegemonic masculinity, which emphasizes domination while devaluing femininity. Grindr users often optimize their profiles to fit in with socially acceptable images, which can result in explicitly racist and discriminatory profile descriptions. However, research on the relationship between Grindr use and mental health among gay men remains understudied, making it a key area for further investigation.

This study highlights the intersection of race and sexual orientation in dating. While LGBTQ+ individuals may be more open to dating outside their race, they may face additional challenges due to their racial identity. This can include experiences of Discrimination, exclusion, and fetishization based on race or ethnicity. It emphasizes the need for greater awareness and support for LGBTQ+ people of color in the dating world and for inclusive dating platforms that prioritize diversity and InclusivityInclusivity.

  • Research has shown that people of color face racial Discrimination in online dating. A 2018 study published in the journal Social Science Research found that Asian men and Black women are consistently rated as less attractive than other racial groups on dating apps.

This study highlights the pervasive nature of racism in the dating world, particularly towards people of color.

How can we make sure dating platforms are free of discrimination and harassment?

Nothing can ever be harassment or Discrimination free but it is how you deal with it and hold the power. Sometimes we forget that how people interact is not something to question that you did wrong but to use the power you have to control the interactions you have. Freeing your innermost thoughts from complicated questions that have no answer and refraining from using the phrase "WHY" so frequently can be beneficial.

A set of rules and tests to determine if you are human and empathetic by evaluating your actions and consideration for others' emotions.

Respect for diversity

A safe and accepting dating space should embrace diversity in all its forms, including sexual orientations, gender identities, backgrounds, and experiences.

Sh*t, you should not say

Don't be a dummy and tell POC people you love their skin and that people find something more profound and get to know the person for the person.

Consensual interactions

Consent is paramount in any dating space. Establishing clear guidelines and expectations around consent ensures that all interactions are based on mutual agreement and respect.

We are more than body parts

We are all on the same app. Show your face photo no matter what Bimini Bom-Bolash says: The nipples are not the eyes to the face.

Zero tolerance for discrimination

A safe dating space should have zero tolerance for Discrimination, prejudice, or hate speech directed toward any individual or group.


This button is free and doesn't cost an 'Xtra' subscription. I don't even think there is a limit. Im blocking people even as you read this. No blah, No Blah, No blah blah, no one cares. The only way to handle a more freeing or free-flowing dating experience is to keep the power in your hands cause you hold power.



Jay Jay Revlon (he/she/they) is a London-based DJ, producer, and event organizer who has risen to be a star in their field. Receiving recognition as Mr. Vogue in British VOGUE 2022 and being acknowledged as a "Timeout One to Watch," Jay Jay has for... Read More
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