Tantric Domination & Conscious Hedonism

To celebrate my new Lust Cinema Original BDSM mini-series Safe Word I have invited Roxy Fox to the blog to teach us about another BDSM practice – tantric domination. Roxy is a tantric dominatrix, who has combined the wisdom and knowledge of yoga with her desire to experience and experiment with BDSM, read on to find out more about the practice, why people enjoy it, and how to get started.

If you haven’t seen my porn for women Safe Word yet, you can watch the first episode for free here!

“I was seeking something on this wild journey. A journey that took me from teaching yoga to escorting, from gang bangs on beaches in Thailand to working as a dominatrix in London. This journey led me to tantra workshops and polyamory, then to complete celibacy and back again. Along the way, I found something that I call tantric domination. That’s when I stopped searching.”

Tantric domination is a combination of kinky sex, the exploration of power dynamics, and using tantra and yoga to stay present and conscious throughout. Most of us enjoy being either dominant or submissive in bed. A few of us enjoy switching between the two roles. Some of us are either completely dominant or submissive in both our daily life and sex life. While some may be submissive in daily life but dominant in bed or vice versa. To find out what we like and enjoy or what helps us develop and grow, we must experiment with all those different sexual variations and power positions, even if they mean stepping out of our comfort zone. Bondage, pegging, impact, or role-play can help us explore our mental and emotional states on a much deeper level by taking these sexual power dynamics a step further. If we stay aware of our emotions and thoughts throughout and after the experience, we can learn a lot about ourselves, our partners, our relationships and if necessary, start a process of healing.

Sex is one of the most powerful ways to begin learning about and working with yourself. Sex can help you explore your fears, your traumas and insecurities, and your secret fantasies. Sex can help you deal with having power or having power taken away from you. The key point through all of this is to stay aware and introspective to create space for growth and development. That’s where tantra and yoga (mindfulness and energy work) become so crucial. This principle applies to any kind of hedonism and debauchery. It’s fun and satisfying to let loose, have sex with different partners, try polyamory, or go to sex parties and explore all kinds of kinks and fetishes. The world of sex beyond what we know as ‘vanilla’ is endless. It reaches from the highest levels of ecstasy to incredibly powerful healing down to the darkest realms of deviancy.

That slippery road towards darkness begins when we stop being aware of the possible consequences of fulfilling our desires. To be mindful, we must be aware of how our actions affect our mental, physical and emotional health and the health of our partners. We must constantly ask ourselves whether our kinks support a trait that brings out a darkness within us. Are we feeding our need to have power over others by being dominant or sadistic? Are we using the pretext of polyamory to satisfy our urges to have multiple partners? Everything is a fine line and we need to constantly check in with ourselves.

My Personal Journey

I’ve been a yoga teacher for 10 years. I regularly practice meditation and this practice has taught me to bring awareness into everything I do. Studying psychology made me want to understand and analyze human behavior. Also, I’ve always had a strong libido and am sexually explorative almost to the point of shamelessness. All of these experiences and interests synthesized into tantric domination. I became a dominatrix after working as an escort and one of my clients asked me to beat his balls. Being the confident and explorative woman that I am, I tried. I always wanted to know how it’d feel like to dominate a man but I didn’t know how and where to start. And there was my opportunity. I learned very quickly that dominating men is not only a lot more fun but also a lot less damaging to my mental and emotional well-being than having sex for money.

I dove deep into the world of BDSM and through it, I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about men, too. And I learned a lot about sex, power, and relationships. I also learned that I am dominant, but not sadistic. I have my clear boundaries and I am a yoga teacher after all, which simply means that I want people to have elevating and enlightening experiences. I’ve learned the art of finding the words to help people feel good and empowered, but I could not be mean to anyone, even if it meant giving them the pleasure they seek. So, I started creating a series of techniques to help me dominate in a way that suited my personality – something that I later called tantric domination. I found this to be powerful in a way that fulfilled my clients’ sexual desires but could transform and heal.

Where and how do you start?

As this is a combination of two quite different disciplines, tantra, and BDSM, you could first read about tantra and mindfulness, take matching courses, and then do the same with BDSM. Once you get a deeper understanding of both practices, you can then start to try and combine them in private. Generally, just becoming more aware of oneself is the first step. Learning to be mindful through yoga, meditation and tantra will teach you techniques that you can then apply to your sex life.

Try sitting in front of your partner, eyes closed, and simply taking a minute to breathe together. You can breathe simultaneously or complement your breathing; as one inhales, the other exhales. You can also use that moment to set an intention. For example, your intention could simply be to be mindful and aware of yourself, of your partner and their feelings throughout this exploration. Be mindful of their breath or body language. You can use the experience to transform and evolve. When we have sex, we quite often fall into certain patterns, start to perform and forget to be present and to listen. When we realize this is happening, to either ourselves or our partners, pause for a moment and focus on the breath again. Understand what has happened and when you’re ready, continue.

To help bring sensuality and slowness into the play, I recommend giving each other massages and focus on the sensation. Stop thinking and start feeling. Even while you’re having sex, rough sex, kinky sex, it doesn’t matter – take a moment to connect on that other level and bring the awareness to your senses and through that, back to the present moment. Once you’ve got just a really basic understanding of this, I’d say you’re ready to get your kink on! We all have different fantasies and desires – you should explore them with this newfound awareness. By doing so, you’ll find out what you’re really into.

Some things might turn you on in your imagination but not in reality and vice versa. Do you want to know how a golden shower feels like? Do it, you might find it exciting. Or you may find yourself completely grossed out by the experience. Be aware of how you feel. Switch roles with your partner. If you’re a woman and you’ve never pegged anyone, girl you gotta try it. You will experience a feeling of power and dominance that is incomparable to anything else.

And then, most importantly, don’t take anything too seriously. That is also what tantric domination is about. It’s neither the complete and strict obedience of BDSM nor the mere focus on enlightenment and energies of tantra. It’s something in-between. It’s about getting to know yourself and your partner in a light and fun way. It’s about having more exciting, more beautiful, and elevating experiences. Tantric domination teaches us a lot about power, about our own limits and boundaries as well as our fears and insecurities. It can help us heal and grow. It changes the way we have and pursue sex and brings new excitement into our lives! Try it with your partners and thank me later!

About the author:

Roxy Fox is a writer, sex blogger, educator, yoga teacher and tantric dominatrix. In her stories she pours out unrelenting honesty through (thought-) provoking words, hoping to not only make people think about taboo topics but also help them open up about sex and their own sexuality.

Her topics range from masturbation to abortion, gang bangs to slut-shaming, cheating to all kinds of paraphilias. She says what she thinks and what she believes the world needs to hear to becoming more open-minded, tolerant and satisfied.

Check out Roxy’s website and follow her on Instagram & Twitter.