The term defile is the act of spoiling, sullying, degrading or desecrating. It can certainly be the furthest thing from one’s mind in the context of sexual intimacy; but I am so eager to challenge that thought! When we expand this idea in the context of sex, intimacy and kink; we can really explore the many ways we can experience a closeness and or different dynamic with partners in a very positive and or even common way.
Let’s dig into Defilement Fetish and how it can bring a new physical and psychological dimension to your sex life. I am most aligned with the following definition, “Defilement is a term for the act of polluting, damaging, or otherwise violating a fetish object, an intimate partner, or oneself for sexual arousal or gratification. The arousal that stems from defilement is known as anophelorastia“ (Kinkly, 2018). If this describes you, then you can refer to yourself as a Salirophile from this point forward! Please keep in mind that everything discussed here is with the understanding that all activities are consensual and all parties are operating from a place of informed consent on what defilement is and how they enjoy engaging.
Let’s start with some very common examples of defilement fetish before we go further into the dirt! Can you recall a romantic comedy where one partner rips the other’s shirt in an expression of unrestrained desire to engage with the other? Yep, that was defilement in action, right there on your TV screen! Already you can see that this fetish is widely engaged in and can be as simple as a few popped buttons. Another very common example is the popular visual of a face of smeared make up after incredibly hot sex; if this particularly is a turn on then these partners have engaged in defilement fetish.
Now let’s turn up the kink meter on this fetish. Some partners may enjoy the act of their bodily fluids being used to defile a partner, seeing their ejaculation on the face or body of their partner can take their pleasure to another level of satisfaction. The reasons for this satisfaction are very nuanced to the individual that is doing the defiling or being defiled. I have heard for some the feeling of being owned, in the way that an animal marks its territory, is incredibly intimate and fulfilling. In fact, I learned this from a submissive partner that enjoyed being urinated on; she loved the very primal symbolism that she was marked and owned. This can carry over into all bodily fluids including saliva, ejaculate, faeces and or blood. I certainly encourage those that may be interested to explore how these are done safely and how to engage in a conversation about defilement with a partner before engaging in extreme exchanges of fluid.
As a professional dominatrix and lifestyle kinkster, I have found that walking partners through this fetish can be as lighthearted as seeing them in the shower with their clothes still on, at my command of course! Knowing that they are engaging in an activity in an unconventional way for my satisfaction, is a huge turn on. Tearing off an outfit that has been so delicately selected and put on allows me to exude dominance in getting to what I want — their body! A personal favorite has been squirting on my partners and letting them see and feel it drip down and dry on it’s own. It has become a way to extend the sexual encounter without the physical engagement.
Defilement can add to the many ways we enjoy our senses during intimate play. It allows us to be creative with external tools/substances (or internal) without having to necessarily rely on intricate skillsets or athleticism. Whether it is allowing a little spit drip out of a passionate kiss and placing a hard boundary on wiping it; slowly watching candle wax decorate your own body; to having a partner lay covered in cum until morning or dripping chocolate all over a lovers’ white lingerie — My friend, GlittersaurusRex loves getting clean after expressing her playful little sitting, throwing or making a mess with food. Defilement has likely already been a part of your sex and now that you have the name and range —go get dirty!