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Sex Toys For Couples & How to Use Them With Your Partner

Sex Toys For Couples & How to Use Them With Your Partner

Plus, enjoy 30% off 'Toy With Me: The Sex Toy Compilation' on The Store by Erika Lust
Erika Lust | November 04, 2021 | 7 min. read

The demand for sex toys has never been higher. Toys are more popular than ever and new companies and products have emerged on the market, revolutionising the sex tech industry. But while it has become more common to incorporate toys into our self care routines, many people still feel awkward about asking their partners to introduce sex toys into their relationship. The fear of making your partner feel uncomfortable could be standing in the way of more sexual exploration, more pleasure and more intimacy… Don’t let it!

Almost 50 percent of people are using sex toys to spice up their sex lives (We-Vibe). Asking to try out sex toys, doesn’t mean that you or your partner are unsatisfied with your current sex life, but it brings more orgasms and new sensations to the relationship – on both sides! Toys are communication starters and can open up a whole new world of pleasure for couples. Couples can learn how to communicate their desires better, show their partner how they like to be pleasured, and even discover erogenous zones they never knew existed. If sex toys are uncharted territory for you and your partner, this guide is what you’ve been waiting for. I’m going to guide you through starting the conversation, buying the right toy for you, using it for the first time, taking care of it after and all the little steps in between.

And, don't forget to scroll to the bottom to get 30% OFF Toy With Me: The Sex Toy Compilation on The Store by Erika Lust.

Starting the conversation

If you are interested in introducing sex toys into your relationship, but aren’t sure if your partner feels the same, don’t stress out too much about it and just ask. Be sure to tell them that you don’t want to try out sex toys just because you are unhappy with your current sex life, but to enhance and spice up what you’ve got. Explain that this is meant to be an exciting new experience for both of you and be sensitive. You don’t want to pressure anyone into doing something they’re not entirely comfortable with. This doesn’t have to be a super serious, real talk kind of situation. Keep it light! If you’re more the practical type, you could try “accidentally” leaving your favourite toy out one night. That way you can either leave it up to your partner to start asking questions, or you can propose to show them how to use it on you.

How do I choose the right toy for me and my partner?

First of all, enjoy this part of the process! You can learn so much about your partner’s desires and preferences by choosing a sex toy together. Embrace this opportunity to get to know each other even more and don’t be ashamed to ask questions and explore.

There are many toys that are specifically designed and created for couples to use together, there are even toys that are connected to an app that can be used to get your partner off no matter where they are. The possibilities are almost endless and it can seem a bit overwhelming at first. It is important that you talk about what turns you on first. Are you looking for additional clitoral stimulation during sex? Are you turned on by giving up control? Or maybe you'd like to explore the world of erotic pain? No kink or fetish is wrong or weird. You just have to make sure you and your partner understand what the respectable other is trying to explore and see if both sides are comfortable with the idea.

Multiorgasmic Brunch on XConfessions

Also keep in mind that sex toys are often pricey. Maybe starting out with something a little less expensive is a smart way to avoid disappointment, but you also shouldn’t just get the cheapest option you can find without looking into it first. Make sure you buy quality materials that are not harmful in any way. If you buy a silicone toy, it should be medical grade silicone. Read customer reviews and check the details, like how big is it (it might be smart to start with a normal-sized toy instead of something too intimidating), does it run on batteries or can you charge it from the wall, what’s the material, which type of lubricant do you need, is it water-proof and so on.

If you don’t have one at home, I always recommend getting a good old vibrator as a starter for your future collection of sex toys! You can use it together or alone and it is great to show your partner where to touch you and to give them a better understanding of your anatomy and erogenous zones. If your first try at purchasing a sex toy goes wrong, get back out there and try again. If one sex toy doesn’t do it for you, don’t be discouraged. It happens. You can use that experience to rule out other sex toys and make a better choice next time by choosing a different material, different size etc. Testing several different toys is the best way to find what works.

Your first time

You made it to the grand finale. You’ve successfully bought a new sex toy and it’s time to put it to use!

First of all, get familiar with your toy so that you can experiment with the power options and different settings. You can use it for foreplay by first trying it out on different parts of your body before you aim for the touch down. It’s important to get turned on! Just because you’re trying a sex toy, doesn’t mean that everything else is off the table. It’s important that you are actually in the right mood to enjoy your sex toy together.

Start slow and use lube if you feel like it is needed but make sure you chose the right lube for your toy. Check out this guide to sex hygiene habits for more advice on choosing lube & caring for your sex toys.

If your first experience is not what you expected – be vocal about it! It’s perfectly fine to try something new only to decide that it isn’t for you. You can only win here. Letting sex toys and along with them more conversation into your bedroom, you’ll evolve sexually and you’ll only deepen your relationship and understanding of each others needs.

Keep it clean!

And last but not least, don’t forget the after care! Cleaning your sex toy and storing it right is an absolute must. Each toy has a unique way to be cleaned and stored. You should find out about special care instructions when purchasing your toy and take the time to read the manual that comes with it. Sex toys should be kept in cool and dark places and make sure they are absolutely dry before you put them away. If you have several toys, make sure they are not in direct contact with each other. Sometimes the materials can cause damage to each other. That’s why most sex toys come with a silk or cotton storage bag designed specifically for this purpose. In case your toy runs on batteries, take them out after you are done. Batteries can corrode, ruining your toy.

30% OFF 'Toy With Me: The Sex Toy Compilation'

To give you some more inspiration on how to bring sex toys into your sex life, we're giving you an exclusive 30% OFF Toy With Me: The Sex Toy Compilation on The Store by Erika Lust. Featuring 8 XConfessions short films that show the pleasure of having fun with toys, this compilation will leave you inspired to get your toys charged and ready to go.

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Erika Lust is an award-winning filmmaker, producer, and writer who's focus on female pleasure, cinematic values, and ethics in adult cinema have helped to change how pornography is consumed. Erika Lust Films was born in 2004 and since then Erika has ... Read More
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    • Chris
      Thanks for the great advice! Any thoughts on good quality, safe places to purchase them? PS. I wish you sold them!!!
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