Have You Been Bad? The Lust Guide to Erotic Spanking

Sticks n stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me…

First things first, “why” you’re asking? On a purely physical level, spanking increases blood flow to the butt and the genitals, thus increasing sexual arousal. In addition to this, some people like it for the taboo aspect and others enjoy it for the sub/dom power relation.

It’s a great way to add variety to foreplay and explore new sensations even if you’re not someone who usually enjoys pain play. Spanking isn’t going to be for everyone, but it’s definitely worth a try.

So whether you enjoy a slight stinging sensation after a good spank or you wanna try something new, read on for my beginners guide to spanking.

Before you start

As always, whenever you want to try something new with a partner you must start with a conversation. Spanking should be done with someone you trust and it should be spoken about in detail before you get started. I know I sound like a broken record on this one but communication is key.

Safe Word

During the conversation be sure to agree on a set of signals or safe words for the receiver to use. They can use these to communicate when they want to stop, if it hurts, or simply if they’re feeling uncomfortable with what's happening. Make sure you also have one safe word or signal that will end the play immediately.

Clothes on or off?

If you’re new to spanking try it with your clothes on first. Skin on skin contact is sharper & the pleasure (and pain) can be more intense but if you keep your pants on, or even your trousers, the pain will be lesser and it gives you a chance to dip your toes in without committing fully to the spank.

So don’t just go straight for the bare ass spank, make your way there slowly because you may just find that you have a lot of fun with your clothes on too.

Warm up

Warm up that booty! Massage it, rub it, squeeze it, kiss it, bite it…

With the hand

For beginners, the only tool you need is your hand. An open palm spank is the OG for a reason. Plus, it’s easy, it’s free, and it’s organic 😉

We were given hands for a reason, and I can’t think of any other reason than a little spank! Plus it’s always nice to have some skin to skin contact with your partner.

Speed, frequency & force

Don’t run before you can walk, start slowly to ensure you don’t do any damage to the receiver. Don’t do straight in with a big slap, start with gentle tapping to see how it feels. Then you can gradually build up the speed and pressure to hit that sweet spot for your partner, whilst continuously checking in with them to see how they’re doing.

Spanking isn’t just about continuously hitting your partner at the same pace until one of you gets bored. Start off with a light tap, and build up. Stop occasionally and tease them. Spank and then rub the area that you’ve just spanked to give them a bit of relief. As the spanker, you should be having just as much fun as the receiver.

Placement

Where to spank? Most popular of course is the soft, peachy bum. When starting off you should go for the bottom (of the bottom), aim for the fleshy part and hit with an upwards motion. Be careful with going too far to the side or too high as you’ll get close to the bone and could hurt the receiver.

Be sure to cover a wide surface area so that the whole patch of skin gets the blood flow, rather than just focusing on one spot over and over again.

If you wanna move away from the bum you can also experiment with the soles of the feet (bastinado), the chest, the genitals… of course you must always talk about it together & have consent before you start slapping away.

Positions

Over the knee is a classic & sexy position for a bit of spanking but if you’re not into that you can also bend someone over the bed or sofa, standing up facing the wall, lying face down on the bed…

Accessories

If you wanna progress from spanking with the hand to an accessory such as a strap or a flogger then this is when you move into the domain of flogging. Flogging is different from spanking because you don’t get the same feedback with an external object that you do with your hand. With your hand, you can feel how hard you’re hitting someone, whereas with an instrument you don’t have this. This means that communication and going slow and steady is even more important. You can also test it out on your own body first to get a sense of how it feels.

After care

After care is really important after spanking. What this means exactly can change from person to person. It could be a cuddle, kisses on the area you’ve been spanking, a conversation or simply getting the receiver a glass of water and giving them some space.

If you're interested in the world of spanking and you wanna do some more exploration before you get started, check out
The Art of Spanking, An Appointment with My Master, and Feminist & Submissive on XConfessions.