How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner (& Free Films to Inspire You!)

Whether you want to share your likes, dislikes or new interests, talking about sex is a skill that we all need in our lives. It doesn’t matter what it is that you need to talk about, you’ll feel better once you’re able to. By talking openly about sex with your partner you’ll learn how to give them more pleasure, and also experience more pleasure yourself.

Before approaching your partner to talk about sex, it’s a good idea to have a think about your own needs and wants. Why do you want to talk to your partner about sex? Is there something that you’d like to be doing that you’re not? Are you feeling unsatisfied? Do you want to try something new? Sit down, think about it, and write some notes if it will help you structure and guide the conversation.

If there’s nothing that you want to say, that’s also ok. It’s always good to have the conversation anyway, maybe there is something your partner wants to talk to you about. And if not, then at least you both know the conversation has been opened for the future.

Some things that you might want to talk about:

• Your pleasure and the things that turn you on
• Sexual health (including safer sex, STIs and birth control)
• The frequency of sex that you’d like
• Sexual preferences
• Likes & dislikes
• Any new things that you’d like to explore
• Differences in what you and your partner enjoys

When talking to your partner go slow and be friendly, positive, and respectful. Don’t go in all guns blazing. If there’s something that you want your partner to change or something that they’re doing that you don’t like, remember to try and be as sensitive as possible.

Also start by giving them some reassurance and telling them about the good things they’re doing. Then use positive suggestions, instead of criticism to tell them things that you’d like them to do. Talking about sex can be a sensitive topic for people, especially if they’re being told that they’re doing something that doesn’t feel good.

Also, be open to receiving feedback yourself. Every healthy sexual relationship requires constant communication so this should be a two-way conversation. So be aware that there may be things that your partner wants you to do differently too, this is about both of your needs. Try to be open to talking this through and resist the urge to become defensive.

Choosing when to have a conversation about sex is just as important as choosing what to speak about. Try to choose the moment wisely and think about when would be a good time. It should be a neutral spot and ideally not when you’re in bed.

Times to avoid having this conversation:

• Right before or after sex (maybe the conversation will lead to sex and that’s fine but you don’t wanna start this conversation mid foreplay or just after you’ve finished)
• In bed just before you and your partner are going to sleep
• In the middle of an argument about something else
• When your partner is tired or stressed
• In a restaurant or another public place where your partner might not feel comfortable

You should talk to your partner about sex at a time when emotions aren’t already high and neither of you are already stressed out. A good time might be over a relaxing breakfast at the weekend or after you’ve both been able to wind down after work.

If you’re talking about your wants and needs, this is not the time to be vague as it may just confuse your partner. A good sex life is made up of knowledge about each other’s sexual preferences. It's important that you let your partner know exactly what you have in mind. This way you will also increase the chances of getting what you desire!

As an example, instead of saying “I want the sex to be rougher”, you could say instead “I want you to spank me” or “I want you to pull my hair” to be more to the point and give your partner a clearer idea of your expectations.

This conversation should open up constant communication and allow both of you to talk about sex with each other more openly. Talking about sex should be a regular part of your communication with your partner.

Watching adult movies with your partner can be a great way to initiate conversations of sex. You can ask your partner what parts in the movie they find hot, and similarly you can tell them what you like. If you’re interested in trying some BDSM with your partner, try watching a light BDSM movie and see how you both react to it. Or, if you like the look of latex, watch a film with some latex. The options are endless…

To help you with this, I’m giving you a range of Lust Cinema Original movies and series completely for free! There are different sexualities and sexual preferences, so you can find one that works for you and your partner.

Interested in BDSM or fetish? My own explicit adult miniseries Safe Word follows Christie (Mona Wales) as she embarks on an unexpected journey into the world of BDSM. With trust, communication, and respect, Christie finds a place to experience her deepest pleasures whilst showing that there is real power to be found in submission.

Or you can watch an episode of the adult series Primary that shows how real millennials navigate the pleasures and complexities of modern love and non-monogamy. The series follows two polyamorous couples who share passionate sex with their partners whilst also engaging in steamy relations with other characters as the simultaneous storylines coincide and connect.

Feeling like you need to get your relationship out of a rut? Check out Lost in L.A. which follows married couple Amber and Grant as they try to rekindle the sex and intimacy in their marriage. Inspired by an episode of her favourite podcast, Amber decides that it is time to spice things and the couple start a journey of rewriting the rules of their relationship.

Or finally, Fragments features Siouxsie Q and Jiz Lee as they navigate an unexpected curve ball in their relationship.

I hope you learned something about how to talk about sex with your partner and remember you can watch one (or all) of the porn for women movies & episodes on Lust Cinema completely for free!