Fetish & Submission from a Black Person’s Perspective

Each month a guest from the kink community takes over this column to give us the 411 on their chosen kink. This month Bishop Black is back on Kink XXXplainer to give us a first-hand look into his experience of being submissive and Black. Bishop speaks about his personal experiences and his XConfessions film Dominate Me.

My very first film for XConfessions was called Dominate Me. It featured the actress Silvia Rubi and explored BDSM. I was in the submissive role, whilst Silvia was the top. There was pegging, flogging, as well as some orders I was made to follow, such as performing oral or getting into positions. But the most scandalous part for an audience watching the film in Berlin was a scene where a pin wheel was used on my cock. This was of course with my consent; in fact it was my idea. However, one of the questions that came up during a Q&A was whether the director felt that I was being exploited in that role. I never got the chance to answer that question myself and it wasn’t really followed into deeply enough. But it left me with a funny feeling. If I was the top, would the question still remain the same? Or if I was white, would the question even be posed?

In my private play, I like being submissive. This can be quite the shock to some, because it’s not always the narrative that they have been confronted with in porn. Mostly when you search for Black guys in BDSM on certain porn sites, the role is either that of the aggressive, sexually virile archetype of the Black man, or the bull to a cuckold scene (the bull is a person who has sex with a woman in a heteronormative couple. Usually the bull is a Black guy). In both situations, hyper masculinity plays a centre role, echoing a dynamic that has its roots entrenched in white supremacy and racism.

But what about being a Black submissive? What visual references exist for Black people when it comes to being dominated? In most people’s view, there’s a disparity of power. The same codes we see in porn cannot translate to a submissive role, as it becomes paradoxical to the ideology one is meant to believe about Black men. Basically, being in a submissive role or the misinterpretation of weakness, suddenly gives permission to request things that are overstepping boundaries. Like race play. There’s also the historical component; That enjoying a practice that was used as a means of oppression adds a loaded and charged influence to kink and BDSM. One that could make some black people apprehensive about admitting that they can be kinky.

I don’t want to be treated differently when I get involved with some fetish or kink play. I’ve had many weird experiences with some people when they find out I’m into BDSM and kink. I want to be that big freak, who can let go and experience beautiful scenarios with people. I fantasise about being whipped or flogged or in chains and treated with compassionate debauchery. Kinkiness is inherent to being human. Celeste Hirshman says “Our fantasies are an unconscious attempt to soothe ourselves around challenging experiences that we’ve had or positive experiences that we’ve missed out on”. Nowadays, I’m playing with people who I feel comfortable exploring with. And that is people who are like me, BIPOC and queer people, as well who people who understand nuances of this kinky tango.

Being a submissive is a highly empowering and sometimes healing role to be in and there are so many positive things one can get out of being able to relinquish control and give trust to someone you feel safe with. To allow this level of vulnerability can be hugely cathartic, as well as release certain traumas when done in the RIGHT way. This means communicating with your partner about your needs as well as being mindful when it comes to playing certain roles or acts that perhaps the person in the top position doesn’t always think about in another constellation.

It’s perhaps not a secret that some of the Black community see BDSM and kink as a white thing. I can emphasize with that; Being out in well known parties in the kink scene in London, I would always find myself as the only Black person there. That lack of visibility of other Black or people of colour would manifest into a feeling of being tokenized (which can be a role that some enjoy being in and in fact use to their own desires) or fetishised.

Even in my field of performance and working with different people in kink I’m a token because I’m visibly out there, either alone or with a few close people, doing something which should not feel hugely revolutionary or political. But it is. And until societal perceptions catch up to why this is political or revolutionary and we can go forward, it will continue to be that way.

Watch Bishop Black as a submissive in the XConfessions short film Dominate Me. This beautiful and intense adult film explores the intimacy of BDSM, carefully capturing every little detail. Bishop becomes free in his submissiveness, free to become lost in the world between pain and pleasure in Silvia Rubi's knowing hands.