Humiliation Kink: Wildly Underrated & Liberating

Ever wondered why some kinks are so popular? Or if you’re the only one getting turned on by that thing you’re doing in bed? Each month a guest from the kink community takes over this column to give us the 411 on their chosen kink. This month Kali Sudhra is here to tell you why she loves humiliation.

When you hear the word humiliation, maybe you cringe thinking about the time you tripped in front of your crush, or the time you had your skirt tucked into your underwear the whole day and no one said anything to you (not speaking from personal experience or anything….). Maybe you wouldn’t associate it with something sexual, but I am here to talk about this wildly underrated kink. Like all BDSM, it carries a certain stigma, but treated in the right manner it can be very liberating. As a kinkster and dominatrix, it is definitely something that gets me off!

What is it?

For people who have never heard of it, humiliation play or humiliation kink, is essentially some form of humiliation in the BDSM context or in a power exchange. It is also classified as a type of psychological play and a form of sexual masochism. Some people would even consider it edge play because it can bring a sub close to a physical or emotional limit.

Important things to keep in mind before starting

Before engaging in any BDSM or sexual activity, get consent! Consent must be specific. Make sure your submissive clearly states their limits, and choose a safe word to be able to stop the play at any moment. You can also use the traffic light system that I prefer to use. Red means stop everything, yellow means to slow down/go easier, green is all good!

It’s important that your sub feels safe and knows that you will not go past a scene. Giving up all control can be really sexy, but it is an extremely vulnerable act. Because of the psychological aspect of this play, a wrong word, a wrong tone or going past a scene, can take a turn for the worse and cause considerable psychological harm, so it’s crucial to state clear boundaries and have frequent check ins.

How does it work? How do I try it for the first time?

There are normally two positions: the humiliator, and the humiliated. If you haven’t explored it yet and you have a curiosity, I would suggest trying to introduce it slowly into your relationship with the consent of your partner. You can even just mentally try to imagine how it would feel. What emotions could it provoke? What physical sensations could you possibly feel?

You can play with it in the bedroom or publicly too. Try on both roles and see if one feels good to you. Remember to start out soft, don’t go for something deep, or personal, unless of course your sub is REALLY keen and says that is what they want. To begin slowly, try to keep the humiliation about their sexual behaviour, or how naughty they are!

My tip for you if are a sub/bottom:

Dive in and explore what really humiliates you. Think about any humiliating experiences you had that maybe could be hot to reenact. For example, that time you got a boner in biology class and your teacher noticed. That could be a good foundation to start the scene with your partner. (Role play here!)

My tip for you if you are a top/domme:

Find creative ways instead of just using verbal insults. Maybe you can use humiliating gestures or stances. In the above example, if you were the domme, you could be standing up over your ‘’student’’ and then look down on them, laugh, and mockingly make a gesture pointing at their arousal. Take charge and ridicule them for their naughtiness!

• Making someone request permission for normal activities like going to the toilet, etc
• Cuckolding. Where someone in a partnership is fucked by another person, and the partner watches and may or may not be allowed to touch themselves. Cuckolding could also be that your partner goes and fucks someone else (consensually) while you aren’t there, and tells you about all the details.
• Getting someone to beg to be able to cum (orgasm control). I particularly like this one, the more pathetic the begging, the more I like to deny their right to orgasm until I give them permission
• Forced consensual penetration with dildos, fingers, fists, etc.
• Public humiliation where the sub’s friends know about the domme/sub dynamic and witness the humiliation. This is done within a controlled space and entails a previous conversation before hand with all the people involved
• Penis humiliation. This is something I get requested to do a lot. I get a lot of people who have penises send me requests to do reviews, humiliating them.
• Spitting on someone
• Using someone as human furniture
• Wearing signs that say humiliating things
• Being collared and walked around on a leash
• Forced body worship, kissing their feet, their ass, their genitals, licking their boots (prior consented to)

Why do people get off on being humiliated or humiliating others?

Not everyone who is into the fantasy or act of humiliation actually wants those things to happen in real life (some may). It’s a lot about playing with the fantasy, and not actually living a really big humiliation. Every case and every person is different. Some people may get off on actually getting publicly humiliated, whether that be in a physical public space or online, while others would prefer to explore that in the comfort of a private controlled space.

One of the common speculated reasons that people get off on this act, is because it can serve as an escape, or a way to let go of control.

For the humiliator/top/domme/sadist, I can personally say, I love seeing my subs being humiliated, both publicly and privately. I often humiliate my subs online (with their permission). The power play is very hot. I relish in having a pitiful sub begging pathetically at my feet and me being in control of their orgasms, serving me, or controlling what they can and cannot do! But remember, the sub ALWAYS has the ultimate power to stop and start any scene!

At the end

Reorient back to reality, end the scene, do aftercare. Aftercare can look like physical care such as hugs, kisses, etc, or it could be something verbal. Like positive affirmations, letting your sub know that it was just a scene, and letting them know they are safe.

Remember to have fun, but always respect the limits of your partner(s). Keeping all this in mind, your new found kink can turn into a highly amusing and perverted experience. Have fun you dirty little perverts!!

Find her in Rituals: An Intimate Portrait of Kali Sudhra; Volunteers Wanted; Rollers, and many more adult short films on XConfessions.