A Guide to Facesitting: Enjoy Oral Sex Whilst Queening

When it comes to oral pleasure on people with vulvas, the default option for many people is lying down on your back. And yes, it’s a great position — it’s relaxing and it gives your partner great access to all of the sweet spots — but oh are you missing out on the pleasures of other positions that put you in control!

Facesitting, otherwise known as queening, is the act of a vulva owner sitting on someone else’s face for oral sex. It can be an intimate, very pleasurable act and it is an undeniably sexy thing to do during sex. Facesitting puts the person with the vulva in control; it’s all about your pleasure. You get to control the position, intensity, pressure, speed and navigate your partner's mouth to specific areas. Are you sold yet?

There’s no right or wrong way to enjoy the glory of facesitting but here are some of my top tips on how to have the most pleasurable facesitting experience!

Make sure you scroll to the end to get your free facesitting movie!

Pre-Facesit Chat

Have an explicit conversation about your desires and wants before facesitting. If you’re the face sitter, do you want clitoral stimulation, vaginal penetration with the tongue, or rimming? And if you’re the person on the bottom, do you want to have restricted air flow, do you want to feel “squashed” or do you want to maintain some space? Make sure you both get everything out in the open before you try anything to make sure you both have the most pleasurable experience possible.

Non-Verbal Cues

Your pre-facesitting conversation should also include a discussion about what verbal and non-verbal indicators you will give to each other to show that the experience is pleasurable and also to stop play. This is particularly important for the person on the bottom as there is a risk of restricted breathing if the person on the top blocks their air flow without realising. You can agree on what works for you but a common cue is that the bottom partner can tap on the face sitter’s legs or arms if they want them to stop.

Get into Position

OK when you’re ready to go it’s time to get into position. You can start by straddling your partner’s chest with your knees on the bed and moving forward until your thighs are on either side of their head. You can then spread your legs wider so your partner can comfortably reach your vulva. You should have most of your weight in your thighs but you can hold onto something in front of you like the wall or the headboard if you prefer. Or, if your partner wishes to feel more of your weight on their face you can put more pressure on them whilst being aware of any non-verbal cues they may give if the pressure becomes too much.

You can also experiment with either facing your partner or facing away from them and see what feels good. For a more advanced position you could also get into more of a squat so you’re on your feet instead of your knees (make sure you have something to hold on to for this one!). There is no one way to facesit, see what works for you!

You’re in Control

The great thing about facesitting, if I haven’t emphasised this enough, is that the person with the vulva is in control of the pressure, speed and even the location of the oral sex! You can grind against their mouth fast or slow, increase or decrease the pressure by moving closer or further away from your partner and you can also guide their tongue to other areas such as your vaginal opening or different parts of your clitoris if you know where your sweet spots are.

Don’t Worry About These Common Concerns

#1: Being too “heavy” for your partner

A lot of people want to facesit but are worried that they are too heavy and may hurt their partner in the process but anyone can facesit regardless of your weight, size or body shape! If you’re worried about putting too much weight on your partner, you can position yourself over their face and grab hold of the headboard or the wall to take some of the weight out of your legs and to gain good balance. Your partner can have their hands either on you or at their side. You can then lower your body so that your genitals make contact with their mouth et voila!

#2: Being self conscious about the smell or look of your vulva

Many people with vulvas worry about how they look or smell so up close but it’s important to not let that fear distract you from your pleasure and desires. Your vulva is completely normal, however it looks and however it smells. We have been conditioned as women to feel ashamed of our genitals and to believe that they are smelly and gross. But they are not! We need to spread vulva positivity and it can be a feminist exercise to love your vulva openly and proudly.

Before facesitting, as part of practice some body affirmation exercises with your vulva. Look at it in the mirror, write down things that you love about it, how it looks, smells and all of the pleasure that it gives you.

However you try it, enjoy it and know that your partner will be enjoying it too! Happy facesitting people.