Rimming: A Beginner's Guide to Anilingus

12th June is National Eat Ass Day so what a better day to do a refresher course of rimming, also known as anilingus. Rimming is the act of performing oral sex on the anal rim of another person. It can be a very, very pleasurable experience for everyone regardless of gender and there is absolutely nothing gross, abnormal or harmful about it, if you do it right!

We hold so much shame about our bodies and especially our butts, but there is absolutely no reason to. Love your butt and let others love it, too. Getting to that special place with someone can be an amazing and intense experience.

This week we’re going to learn how to perform and how to receive pleasurable, safe and fun anilingus!

Why does rimming feel so good and what do we need to know about the anus?

Anilingus feels good for the same reason that anal sex and anal play in general feels arousing. There are a lot of nerves around your anus which make it a highly sensitive area of the body. Stimulating the anus has relaxing and sometimes even orgasmic effects. But it is important to know that rimming and anal sex can’t be treated like vaginal intercourse. There are certain differences in anatomy that are important to know in order to understand anal pleasure.

There are two rings of muscles near the entrance. The outer ring of muscles can be controlled, so you can tense and relax these muscles as you please. The inner ring is involuntary, which means it can’t be controlled. Instead, you need to be fully relaxed for these muscles to accept penetration without experiencing pain. Taking time for foreplay and relaxation is everything when it comes to anal play! The rectum is the area inside the anus. It does not produce its own lubrication in response to sexual stimulation (!), so it’s important to use plenty of lubricant for pleasurable anal play.

Rimming is also great for its psychological effects of creating a deep connection with a partner by breaking into this ‘taboo’ of sexual acts and trusting someone with this specific area of the body. It can be about giving up control or signalising your partner that you love absolutely everything about them, even the parts they might not entirely love themselves. If you enjoy this aspect of a rim job – play with it!

Preparations and practicing safe sex

Just like with any other sexual act, hygiene and safety are the top priority! If you are planning on trying rimming with somebody you are not in a longterm, monogamous relationship with, make sure that both of you get tested regularly for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and infections (STIs). If you are sexually active, regular health checks should be part of your self care routine anyways.

Based on my research, I found that a lot of you are wondering if you can get infected with HIV through rimming. Rimming is considered a “negligible-risk activity for HIV transmission“, which means that theoretically you could be infected if you come in contact with blood in the rectum or by the tongue but the risk is minimal. A great tool to protect yourself from bacteria and diseases that more people should know about are so called Dental Dams. Dental Dams are thin latex sheets that are used between the mouth and vagina or anus during oral sex, so it’s basically the same as a condom. The dental dam is placed flat on top of the vagina or anus to prevent direct, skin-on-skin contact. Use a water-based lubricant between the dental dam and the skin to prevent irritation.You can also apply some lube on top of the dam if you like the taste and smell! Never use the same dental dam twice!!

I often hear, especially from women, that their partners find the use of preventive tools such as dental dams or condoms unerotic and irritating. Please don’t let anyone pressure you into unsafe sex. If your sex partner doesn’t care enough about your health and well-being to use preventive methods to protect you and themselves, maybe you shouldn’t have sex with them.

It’s always a great idea to take a nice, hot shower together before exploring anilingus. This way both parts can make sure their partner is as clean as they need to be for this experience. If showering is not enough to make you feel comfortable, the receiving part, the rimmee, can also use an enema (an anal douche) beforehand. Using an enema is really just a personal preference though, not an absolute necessity. Many people like it, because it makes them feel more comfortable as it releases the worry of putting your partner in contact with feces. BUT, concerning feces, there is one thing that I find very important: If you are experimenting with anal play such as rimming – no matter how well you prepare – you might get in contact with feces. It happens. If that is something you think you can’t get over – maybe anal play is not for you. When it does happen, don’t make your partner feel uncomfortable about it. Simply take care of your hygiene and move on!

It is also very important to talk about boundaries and concerns. You could consider agreeing on a safe word you can both use if you want to stop or change anything. Talking about sex will always enrich your sex life and the relationship to your partner. Don’t be afraid of conversation and spare yourself from unpleasant sexual experiences based on misconceptions and lack of communication. And of course, not everyone likes anal intercourse. So it’s okay if you don’t. Focus on getting comfortable. Enjoying anal play is often all about being able to relax. The most comfortable position for the receiver of a rim job is laying on your belly. You can put a pillow under your stomach as you face down. It make accessing for the rimmer easier and it can helps the rimmee orgasm! There are loads of different positions you can try. Switch it up and chose the one that’s most pleasurable for both of you.

The techniques

As with blowjobs or cunnilingus, you’ve got a few different choices when it comes to rimming techniques. You can both lick and/or penetrate the anus with your tongue. In both cases, don’t rush it, ease into it and take time to explore together what feels good. Before you go all in, tease the whole area around the butt. This lets each of you test how the other person responds and gets you in the right mood. Get properly excited first.

Try making your tongue soft, don’t just poke it in there without warning. Even if there is no penetration of the anus involved, using lubes for rimming can be a great addition to the experience. Flavored lubes can make rimming even more tasty for rimmers, while warming or cooling lubes can add pleasure to the rimmee’s experience.

Don’t just focus on the anus and anal rim itself. Multitask if you want (and can)! You can always stimulate the vagina or penis of your partner with your hand while giving a rim job or ask them to pleasure themselves while you do it. The spot between the anus and the vagina or balls is also very sensitive! Stimulating the genitals makes relaxing easier and anal play more likely to be pleasurable. The technique options are almost endless. You can swirl the tip of your tongue around the opening in circles, you can flick it up and down, you can lick right over the opening, you can focus on one side first and then do the same on the other side…get creative!

Always communicate with your partner if you are feeling uncomfortable or if something hurts.

Wanna watch and learn? Check out some of my favourite rimming movies on XConfessions that feature red-hot analingus. There's the wonderfully queer sex party Switch by Maximus Skaff, three men and their mistress in Domestic Servitude by Poppy Sanchez and a pansexual foursome in Pansexuals by me, Erika Lust.