Sexual Health & Polyamory: How to Have Safer Sex with Multiple Partners

This month's Sexual Health 101 column is written by Community Sexual Health Educator, Pleasure Activist, Heaux Mentor, Abortion Doula & Sex Toy Reviewer, Saniyyah Lateef.

The increasing popularity of folks trying to open their relationships has been a trend since the pandemic began; and as we know, with trends, some misinformation can surface. Before we dive in, let’s DTR (define the relationship)! Polyamory is just one style of non-monogamy. Polyamory, in its literal definition from Greek & Latin roots, is Poly-, meaning many and -amory, meaning loves. Polyamorous relationships are relationships in which all parties involved are aware and consenting & can include romantic or sexual relationships.

Other common non-monogamy relationship styles include swinging & open relationships. While there are many key values or elements that make up a healthy polyamorous dynamic, the main four are: Open & Honest Communication, Trust, Respect & Consent.

One common question that I think most polyamorous people, including myself, get quite often, is “You must get tested for STIs all the time, huh?” My immediate thought is “Shouldn’t we all be getting tested for STIs often, if we’re sexually active?” This question is also commonly tied to a common misconception about polyamorous people; which is that we just run around hooking up with anyone and everyone! Not all polyam folks! However, there is a bit of truth behind this question asked. As I mentioned before, polyamory can include multiple sexual partnerships. And while all parties involved are consenting and having open conversations, each party also is trusting and I would even say expecting, that everyone is going to get tested regularly; as well as sharing new or potential sexual partner(s). This is a great way of practicing safe(r) sex.

Safe(r) sex, from a harm reduction approach, is any step someone may take to reduce their chances of STI infection, pregnancy, etc. One way that polyamorous folks practice safe(r) sex, is by having open and honest conversations with their partner(s). This can look like: talking to your partner(s) about whom you have had sex with recently, sharing recent STI and COVID test results, or even setting boundaries about what sexual activities you’re comfortable with and not comfortable with! Some other safe(r) sex steps you can take to protect yourself are looking at birth control options, if you are someone who can possibly get pregnant; using condoms either external or internal, when having penetrative sex, or getting on PrEP to help lower your chances of getting HIV. Thankfully, with the reach of social media, this information is now more readily available and accessible to folks.

Social media has also, now given polyamory and polyamorous people a place to share our lives, stories, and educate others. Many amazing apps like Instagram and Clubhouse have become forums for polyamorous folks to meet and engage with one another. On the flipside, that also gives space for people who might not understand or agree with the lifestyle to enter and share their opinions; which they totally have the right to! But also, leaves room for more misinformation. STORYTIME! One time, I was in a room on Clubhouse where the topic was about being Black and Polyamorous, & a random person, came on stage and essentially yelled at everyone to get on Truvada (which is for PrEP) -- because this person assumed that because we were polyamorous, we all just were having unprotected sex with everyone and anyone. Again folks, not all polyamorous people!

The beauty about polyamory is that there is no one way to do it. Polyamory is not determined by the label, but by you and your partner(s) boundaries & agreements. Polyamory, also, is not a free for all & requires accountability, responsibility & care for oneself and the others in your life! If polyamory is something you’re curious about or interested in, ask questions, seek out resources, read a few books about the lifestyle. We only fear the things, in which we do not understand. As always lovelies, be gentle with yourselves & Heaux Responsibly!