Tantra teacher, psychologist and sexual empowerment coach, Sophie Lua is on Lust Zine to give you the who, what, why on tantric sex. Learn more about what it is, why it's practiced, and how to get started.
What is Tantra? What does it mean and what is it all about? And how is tantric sex different from regular, everyday sex? These are some of the questions I get asked a lot. Here are some of the biggest differences between tantric sex and regular sex that will help you understand what Tantra is about. Learning about these will help you to tap into what you are truly capable of.
First of all, Tantra is about so much more than just sex. It is an ancient philosophy that recognizes everything in our life as divine and sacred. Yoga as we know it now is rooted in the tantric tradition. In Tantra we use everything in our life as a way to evolve. So sexuality is a part of that as well. In the tantric tradition we use our sexual energy as a tool for spiritual enlightenment and expansion. How that can relate to you, is that you can use tantric practices to simply feel more connected to yourself, to your partner, to your truth, your power as well as mind blowing spiritual experiences that can be connected to our sexuality.
What is important to know about tantric sex is that we do not see sexuality and spirituality as 2 different things. We can actually use the pleasure, power and energy of sex as a spiritual gateway. Meaning that you can get the same realizations and benefits that you get from meditating in a cave through sex.
Regular sex is focused a lot around what it ‘should’ be. Often people think their sexuality should look and feel a certain way and this keeps you on the surface level. Tantric sexuality asks you to take away the ‘should’, the masks and get raw and REAL. It's a lot about connecting authentically with a partner or yourself and having the freedom to express things that may have been suppressed inside of your body.
To be able to practice tantric sex we have to become aware of all the conditioning we received around sexuality and our bodies. Think: sex is dirty, wrong, less than. We release the belief system that sex is anything less than sacred and replace that with a different belief system where we choose to believe that sex is natural and sacred. What happens then, sex becomes more than just seeking pleasure, it becomes an expression of life, where everything is welcome.
For us to experience tantric sex it requires us to get very real and vulnerable, to release the guilt and the shame and to awaken our bodies to what is possible. We all have some kind of fear when it comes to being fully seen, fully expressed and deeply heart opened. So you’re going deeper than just the appearance of looking good and having it feel really good. You might actually go into the fears and parts of yourself that feel scary and vulnerable. Instead of just looking for pleasure and measuring your sexual experiences by how many orgasms you had or how much pleasure you felt, ask yourself: How real and authentic was I during the experience? Was I able to stay present with everything that came up? And that includes everything: from sadness to bliss, to anger, the whole range of what we can feel. With this allowance to welcome everything, so much more will open up. When we put pressure on ourselves for sex to always be a certain way, we limit ourselves to the potential of what it can be.
There’s many reasons why. For example to cultivate more self love as well as a deeper connection with our lover. So many people complain that after a while sex can become boring, they lose the spark and they feel like there must be MORE to be experienced. And that feeling is true. The way that you have been taught about sex is actually very limited. Most people have barely scratched the surface of what is possible. They feel that they haven’t fully tapped into their ultimate sexual potential. And Tantra can be a powerful tool for us to access that potential. And when someone is able to open to this potential, it is often described as a spiritual, life changing experience.
I know that for me, learning about tantra made me feel so much more alive and empowered not just in the bedroom but in all areas of life. For the longest time I didn’t know how to open, how to feel. I was stuck performing. I know that for me it changed everything. All the way from how I show up in the world, how I connect with others, how much I love myself and the kind of life I’ve been able to create. The amazing thing about tantra is that you can use it as a way to experience whole new level of your experience of sex and cultivate a true, deep self love with yourself and your body.
Sophie is a tantra teacher, psychologist and sexual empowerment coach. She has been studying Tantra for the past 10 years. Her work is fueled by a desire for every woman to regain her erotic power and come home to her body. She believes that regaining our natural ability to feel pleasure is the key piece for our empowerment, awakening and healing.
If you're interested in learning more about different ways of having sex, check out my porn for women, Soulsex with John & Annie on XConfessions as love, relationship and sex educators Dr Anne Campbell and John Campbell engage in an intimate conversation about ageless sex and a show us a new approach to pleasure and lovemaking.