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How to Sext: The Lust Guide to Sexting with Message Examples

How to Sext: The Lust Guide to Sexting with Message Examples

Erika Lust | January 18, 2021 | 5 min. read

Sexting is the ultimate foreplay. It’s also pretty fun in a pandemic when you can’t meet people face to face like normal, and you might have a bit more time on your hands to think about what turns you on. Basically, now is the perfect time to learn.

It’s a flirty way to keep things hot with your partner, or a fun way to establish a connection with someone new and get to know more about their sexual desires. It keeps sex on your mind while you’re going about your day and gets you even more excited about what’s to come when you meet your partner/sextee.

Sexting can involve two people texting about their sexual fantasies, it can be about things they want to do together or recounting things they have done together. It can take the form of messages, voice notes, images, videos, or even emails if you want to put pen to paper on something longer form.

Sexting can make people feel nervous or awkward but it doesn’t need to be intimidating. It should be fun, playful and a time to let your creative juices flow.

Here are my top sexting tips for a hot messaging session.

Homesick on XConfessions

As always, seek consent before you do any type of sex. Check that they’re in the right headspace to receive sexts and that they too want to sext. Also check that they are not only keen but also available and not surrounded by people who may see your messages.

Also, remember that either of you can also revoke consent at any point if you’re not feeling it anymore.

“I can’t stop thinking about you and I wanna share some of my thoughts. Are you up for it? 😉”
“I’m feeling horny and you’re on my mind, do you wanna talk about it?"
And if you’re not in the mood: “That sounds hot but I’m busy right now, can we schedule it in for later?”

Start slow

Just like sex, you want to build up the tension. Don’t give it all away in the first sext or a nude. Start with some foreplay and a warm up. Part of what makes sexting so fun is the anticipation of what they will say next, so enjoy the wait.

You can start by describing the scene, what you’re wearing, how you’re both feeling. Then go through the motions step by step without rushing to the finale.

“I wish I could [fill in the blank] with you right now”
“First, I’d….”

Draw from your own experiences

If you’re stuck for ideas and you’ve had sex together before then why not use your past as inspiration.

“I loved that time we…”
“I always like it when you….” and then describe exactly what you loved in detail.

Tell your partner what you like about their body

Be specific here. A specific complement is always better than a generic one.

“You have such a beautiful vulva”
“I love how you look when you’re on top of me”

Homesick on XConfessions

Tell your partner what they’re good at

This will not only make them feel good but also probably give them the confidence to do even more of it next time you’re together.

“You’re really good with your tongue”
"I miss your kisses"

Ask them what their fantasies are

Sexting can provide an easier space to speak about what you fantasise about and, if you’ve never had sex with your sextee before, it can give you a good idea of the type of sex they life. Ask your partner to share their fantasies and share yours in return.

Whatever happens though don’t make them regret sharing their fantasies with you by judging them or kink-shaming them.

“What turns you on?”
“What sort of porn do you enjoy watching?”
“What’s your secret fantasy?”

Tell them what you want them to do to them

Think about the next time you'll see them and tell them exactly what you want them to do to you. This will build anticipation and make you both even more excited for your next meeting.

“When I walk through the door I want you to push me against the wall & kiss my neck”
“Next time I see you, I want to watch you pleasure yourself”
“I want you to bend me over your knee and spank me.”

Ask questions

Ask them what they want to do to you or what they want you to do to them.

"Where do you want to touch me first?"
“What would you do if we were alone together right now?”
“What would you want me to do next?”
“What are you picturing right now?”

Be receptive & show enthusiasm

Your partner may also find sexting daunting so don’t forget to be receptive to their sexts and show appreciation for them.

“You’re getting me so turned on right now”
“You’re so sexy”
“I don’t know how long I can wait until we can do that in real life”

Details details details

Be detailed with what you want and how you want it. The more specific you are about what you want to do and how you want to be touched, the hotter things will be for your partner. Get all senses involved and make it a sensory experience for your partner.

“My underwear feels wet after this conversation”
“I'm lying on my bed, feeling very turned on and I'm stroking my nipples as we talk…”

Emoji innuendos

Although explicit, descriptive words are always preferable, if you’re struggling to find the words yourself ,there are plenty of emojis that might help you along the way.


Homesick on XConfessions

If you want to practice more and perfect your dirty talk, check out The Lust Ed video guide to dirty talk with Casey Calvert or the porn for women Homesick on XConfessions.

Erika Lust is an award-winning filmmaker, producer, and writer who's focus on female pleasure, cinematic values, and ethics in adult cinema have helped to change how pornography is consumed. Erika Lust Films was born in 2004 and since then Erika has ... Read More
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    • Julia
      Wow... i find out that although i have little experience on sexting i'm using various of those tips. Others sound really good to include them in my practice... thank you! However i want to tell you that its not necessary for two people/partners as it comes from the grammar on your text... i started doing it in a whatsapp group with my husband and out threesome partner.. an unexpected and exciting new experience in wich we are on rigth now....
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