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The Art of Dominance

Welcome to a new series of articles by guest writers on the Erika Lust blog.

 

Over the past 5 years I hope to have added value to your life and sexuality through the medium of pornography on XConfessions. Now I want to help contribute towards a bigger change by inviting experts to share their knowledge and opinions on various topics across sexuality, sex, porn, fetish and kink, women’s sexual health, relationships, human rights, female pleasure and more!
 
The Art of Dominance is an honest insight into Sexpert Tyomi Morgan’s personal journey as a black woman exploring BDSM. Tyomi talks about her first experiences with sex work and how she managed to overcome her apprehensions about kink through training as a professional domme. 
 

Tyomi, better known as Glamazon Tyomi, is an International Pleasure Coach who reaches millions of eyes monthly through her social media platforms and written contributions across the internet. In 2011 after experiencing a shift in her modeling career, the Chicago native began her sex education blog Glamerotica101.com with the intent to serve as the female representation for people of color within mainstream sexuality.  Tyomi recognized that people across the globe are having issues with connecting to their sexuality within their relationships, and desired to assist in bringing more love and light into the lives of others.

Follow @Glamazontyomi on Twitter & @realglamazontyomi on Instagram


Leadership is a trait I have embraced since I was a child. Knowing how to empower my peers through my conversations and interactions with them has always occurred naturally. Taking charge is the default role I choose effortlessly. Using these leadership skills as a dominatrix, however, hasn’t always been the easiest thing for me to embrace. In fact, moving into a professional space as a domme has been one of the most intimidating experiences of my life.  The role of a dominatrix isn’t one that comes natural to me, but my attraction to leadership has always existed.

My voyage into the world of KINK started in 2008 when I began to search online for what I considered to be effortless sex work.  I chose to work as a sugar baby and used SD/SB sites to meet many of my clients.  In 2009 I began to receive more inquiries from men, specifically white men, who wanted me to dominate them.  Their requests were for erotic expressions that I had never heard of at that time, and I felt scared.  KINK was something that I only briefly researched because I had an enormous fear around the lifestyle.  My Christian upbringing was to blame for the apprehension I felt towards exploring KINK.  I was afraid to delve into these alternative forms of play mainly because of my ignorance. I was afraid of what others would think about me if I tried any of these “bizarre” ways of experiencing pleasure. From the first moment I received a kinky request from a Sugar Daddy, I continued to receive requests from men across social media asking me to do things that I didn’t feel comfortable with.  My fear of being perceived as ignorant was triggered. To overcome this fear, I decided to face the fact that I didn’t know anything about the KINK space and find someone who could help me navigate my exploration.

 KINK was something that I only briefly researched because I had an enormous fear around the lifestyle.  

I asked the Universe to send me erotic educators that not only had a well rounded knowledge about KINK, but also looked like me.  It is important for me to experience sex education from  Black practitioners who understand the apprehensions I harbor about kink based on generational traumas passed on from American enslavement of African people.  And just like magic, Jet Setting Jasmine appeared in my life like a breath of fresh air. Not only is Jasmine a beautiful black woman, she is an intelligent therapist and talented business woman who demands respect in every aspect of her life. As a mother, an innovator and a black woman in KINK, she serves as an inspiration to me.  Meeting Jasmine for the first time was like meeting a sister from another mother.  Jasmine’s kindness and knowledge led me to connect with her not only as a sister but as a mentee looking for guidance. I shared my fears and reservations with her as well as my desires to be a confident domme, and she offered me the opportunity to train with her and her partner, King Noire, in a very public fetish training program.  Meeting King was sensational for me because he represents the healthy, masculine balance in KINK that I’ve wanted to experience with a Black man. Being fetishized by white men and treated like a novelty is something I did not want to experience in my training as a domme or in my play with subs. Knowing that my liaisons into KINK completely empathize with my journey as a black woman exploring sexuality has played a huge role in helping me gently develop my dominant personality.

It is important for me to experience sex education from  Black practitioners who understand the apprehensions I harbor about kink

Jasmine and King began my training using a 100+ question evaluation to establish my hard limits and KINK personality.  From that evaluation, the coaching duo developed a custom training program for me that allowed me explore my fetishes in baby steps. We began our training in 2016 with my fetish of Voyeurism where I was required to film an erotic fantasy acted out by Jasmine and King themselves. SUPER HOT!  The video, Collared in Shadows went on to win a fetish award, and the other assignments that have been rolled out since 2016 have gone viral many times over.  After 3 years of training with the Royal Fetish Master Fetish Trainers,  I feel confident to identify as a domme. I’ve had a few subs as clients and I’ve enjoyed every minute of connecting with them. Last October, the most ideal opportunity to enter into a lifelong domme/sub relationship was presented to me by a young black woman who wants nothing more than to contribute to my happiness and success.  Her request, while very genuine and loving, brought back those ancient feelings of apprehension that I felt at the beginning of my journey into KINK.

 The coaching duo developed a custom training program for me that allowed me explore my fetishes in baby steps. 

Fears of failure were triggered as I mulled her request over in my mind.  I decided to reach out to my fetish family and ask them for help once again in assisting me with navigating this new relationship.  Tabz is a switch by nature, but enjoys being submissive to me because she seeks structure and support for her life from a loving, dominant femme energy. Taking on the responsibility of caring for and leading another person on a lifelong journey appeared extremely intimidating to me at first. After having an initial consultation with Jasmine and King to unpack what this type of domme/sub relationship actually looks like, I had more peace in accepting Tabz as my submissive. My desire to deepen our dynamic and to honor her needs within our relationship led me to book a fetish coaching session for Tabz and I with master fetish trainers Jet Setting Jasmine and King Noire. We decided to have our first session while in Las Vegas for the AVN Expo this past January, and I decided to allow the world in on our coaching session to display the importance of receiving education in KINK.  I have been a sexual health educator for about 8 years now, and even I still need coaching and education in many aspects of sexuality that are not my speciality. I honor my sub and her safety, and I want to be the best leader I can be as a domme. Her life is in my hands and she willingly surrenders her life to me because she trusts my leadership.  Being her domme is an honor, and working with the best coaches to be the best I can be is a privilege I appreciate dearly.  I hope you enjoy taking a peek into my first coaching session with my lifelong submissive, and hopefully you will learn a thing or two about submission, domination and how to use impact play as rewards for amazing behavior.

I decided to allow the world in on our coaching session to display the importance of receiving education in KINK.

On XConfessions, people from all over the world share their sexual stories and fantasies. Every month I pick two and turn them into cinematic short films. Still not a member of XConfessionsRegister now! Or share your sexual fantasy, and it might become a short film 😉


← Fetish Coaching with Tyomi Morgan, JetSetting Jasmine and King Noire The Lust Weekly Roundup →

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