One night stands often get a bad rep. People say that you’ll feel bad or guilty the next day, or that you’ll be left harbouring feelings for someone you can’t have. But I say… f*ck that! It doesn’t have to be that way and one nights stands can actually be an incredibly fun and liberating experience. Casual sex is a natural, healthy form of sexual expression, just like any other. A one night stand should not leave you feeling embarrassed as you do the “walk of shame” home, guilty about having sex with someone you’ve just met, or any other toxic feelings fed to us by the patriarchy. When dealt with in the right way, a one night stand can provide you with a night full of fun, pleasure, and sexy exploration. Just like other types of sex, they come with their own challenges and it’s important to take measures to protect yourself.
This is the Lust guide to one night stands.
Ok before we dive into the nitty gritty, what does one night stand mean? Well, typically a one night stand happens between people who are single or in a non-monogamous relationship. It’s a casual arrangement that all parties go into knowing that it’s a one time thing and there won’t be any further relationship afterwards. That’s not to say it can’t turn into something more, but no one goes into it expecting that it will.
Read on for my top 8 tips for having a successful one night stand….
Let’s be frank for a minute. One night stands are often with people you don’t know so you’re effectively going to a stranger’s house or having a stranger in your house. Always try to tell a friend where you’re going and who you’re with.
If you’re in this for a good time and not a long time be frank with your play partner and make sure you’re both on the same page. This doesn’t have to be a harsh conversation, just be open, clear and kind!
Tell them how you like to have sex, any boundaries you have, anything you don’t like, and ask about their boundaries too. People often shy away from this conversation on a one night stand and get down to business straight away but this chat really is the key to more pleasure! if you've only known a person for a couple of hours, why assume they know what you like in bed? Remember why you’re here in the first place, you may as well make it the most pleasurable experience it can be.
As with any other type of sex you should practice safer sex by using barrier methods like gloves, dental dams, and condoms to lower your risk of contracting an STI.
There is something very liberating about having sex with someone who doesn’t know you and who you will likely never see again. So why not make the most of having no inhibitions and fulfil some of your sexual fantasies or experiment? I’m not telling you to start experimenting with new BDSM practices or things that involve a certain level of trust — you have just met this person after all — but maybe you’ve wanted to test out a new technique or a new position for a while and you’ve been too scared. Nows your time, have fun!
When the sex is over don’t just roll over and ignore the other person or immediately book your taxi out of there. Have a chat, ask how the sex was for them, offer them a shower, some clean clothes and so on. Then you can decide whether you want to share a bed together for the rest of the night or not - it’s up to you and there is no right or wrong answer.
People usually have pretty strong opinions on this one (“you NEVER cuddle on a one night stand”) but really it’s up to you and the person you’re having sex with. When you finish you may naturally fall into a spooning situation. Or maybe cuddling is something that you know you need after sex, if that’s the case you can simply ask them if they’re up for it.
Alternatively if neither of you are about the post-sex cuddle, then try to engage in other forms of aftercare - something as simple as getting the other person a glass of water or a towel can go a long way.
Did you have fun? If so, great! What made it great? How do you feel? If you didn’t have fun, why not? Is it something that you can control or change for next time? Check in with yourself and then celebrate the fact that you hopefully just had some hot, fun, liberating sex!
Watch the XConfessions movie The Night We Met and see what happens when two strangers meet in a club and instantly feel a deep & profound connection. Ali and Alex are new to Barcelona but when they find each other they find a meaningful interaction filled with tenderness, trust and confidence. This is a realistic and intimate portrayal of casual sex and inspiration for your next one night stand.