Guest Writers

The Couple Next Door: To Penetrate my Boyfriend or Not?

The Couple Next Door: To Penetrate my Boyfriend or Not?

That is the Question
Guillermina Torresi | July 15, 2022 | 7 min. read

I love my pussy. I feel fully connected to it, I’m connected to the center of my body in a natural and true way. I know it, I know what it likes, I know in what way, I know its details, its shape, what my lips are like, how they lubricate. Sexuality has developed in my life organically and, little by little since I had sex for the first time until (maybe and even) nowadays I've taken a concrete role in my sexual relations. It hasn't happened out of obligation, there’s an exact way in which I like sex, and there’s an exact way in which I am turned on: I like being submissive. Very much so. The passivity in which I immerse myself is full: I feel how my body expands, and losing control of what happens is what ignites my desire. This comes directly into contact with the domination exercised by the other person and this, to a greater or lesser extent, has never been different: men (at least in my experience) have adopted this role automatically. As if they knew it as if it had been installed in their mind.

I’d never lived a different situation: at least until my current boyfriend came into my life and I understood that the roles I’d assumed so far could vary and change. I was constantly asking myself: how do I change these roles? Will I get turned on in the same way? What if it turns out that I don't know how to do it? Because, of course, how do you do it? There was no specific answer. At least I didn't think I knew it.

That's why I give rise to this column, where I'll guide you through my desires and my fears and our desires and fears as a couple. Those that arise when you live together with your partner, and those you talk about when your face falls exhausted with pleasure on the soaked sheets where you've just enjoyed the wonder of boundlessly connecting with another human body. I'm Guillermina Torresi, and this is The Couple Next Door.

Where does it come from to be submissive?

"The fantasy of feeling dominated, subdued, humiliated, or insulted is, I would say, the most recurrent fantasy in women. If there is a ranking to be made, I would say that this is the top one. We’re experiencing a sexual opening for women in which they can now make their sexual tastes explicit. I have the feeling that these fantasies of domination-submission have been increasing
because we’re less afraid of ourselves and we’re clearer about what we want. And yes, it is possible to be a feminist and want to feel submissive in fantasy or even in reality. Because what do my erotic tastes have to do with my social demands? Nothing".

This is how clearly French sexologist, researcher, and writer Valèrie Tasso explains it in an analysis of the deep meaning of our sexual fantasies.

I never asked myself where this role came from, I simply identified in a moment of reflection that I particularly liked it that way. Because there’s something that is real and that I don't know where it comes from either: I'm not good at taking the initiative, I'm not good at dominating, I'm not good at taking the reins of what happens in bed. I feel it this way, that’s all. This doesn't mean that I don't interact: I do it actively but always from that submissive position.

It excites me to see how the other person takes the reins and I like to do what the other person orders, my pleasure increases when I do it. Then, one day, talking with my boyfriend about this and exchanging opinions and our desires, he explains to me, in a natural way, that he likes women to take the initiative, and that he also likes to be dominated.

The first thing that goes through my mind is a surprise and, after that thought, a chain of fears starting with: I haven't done that before and I haven't done it with him either, at least not beyond deciding when I want to sit on him or when I want to start masturbating. So my fateful conclusion is that he must not be one hundred percent satisfied with the sex he has with me. I understand that it's normal to feel these fears and that they don't mean that he doesn’t enjoy sex, but my mind wanders straight to how do I change this?

I decide to dominate and desire is born

I start in this role very slowly, my desire to please him also makes it exciting for me to take the lead. I no longer wait for him to initiate the sexual relationship. Now I also listen to what my body wants. First and foremost, during intercourse, it is in my mind.

I'm the one who decides whether we change positions, I'm the one who guides the rhythm, and I look for him to be open up to receive unknown and new pleasures. It happened one night. It was one of those extremely intimate and wild nights when our bodies were so connected and so aroused that we were open to everything. Somehow I get close to his ass, caress his buttocks, kiss his ass, sucking it. I see that he responds pleasurably and I feel a rush in the middle of my pussy: I'm getting all lubricated.

As I watch him let go, lose control and give me a chance to take charge of what's happening, my pleasure grows. It grows by leaps and bounds, and excitement I'm unaware of is born. I mean it: I could have an orgasm while I'm eating and sucking his ass. From this first experience together (it was the first time we tried something like this) in my mind born many ways from which to continue enhancing this pleasure. And of course, one of them is pegging.

Besides reading a lot about it, I started to look for pornographic videos about it. My curiosity was guided, mainly, by whether there was the option of seeing a man in that situation of vulnerability, would excite me or not. I realized that I was repulsed by videos about violent pegging, but the ones where it goes slowly and the man really enjoys letting himself go literally drove me crazy. A sense of empowerment began to dawn on me and after thinking about it, I talked about it with him.

Heterosexual men, at first, don't seem to be open to it. There is a rather psychological obstacle that makes them shy away from the idea of just trying it. He laughs but I think that little by little, he’s becoming interested in trying it, not only to amplify his pleasure but also to amplify mine.

I love black kissing

At the moment our way of approaching this practice is that he lets himself go more than usual. I've been eating his ass again while he's masturbating and I'm getting more and more fascinated by it. I’ve several toys and lubricants that could help us to start trying penetration. It doesn't have to be done in a rush or with any kind of pressure, but I can't wait to penetrate him.

Seeing myself in that position, imagining myself there, giving him the pleasure he gives me so many times with his cock, makes me want to. Besides, we mustn't forget that the man's P-spot is inside the anus, in the prostate, which can also be stimulated from the perianal area, that space between his testicles and his anus.

Changing roles is one of my sexual goals right now and, when the time comes to get into it, I will do it without fear, with desire and with the care that these first times require.

Writer and communicator. She's currently the editor-in-chief of Código Nuevo, a digital magazine for young people. Her work has two very clear pillars: ease and desire to communicate at all levels and for all audiences, and a particular interest in t... Read More
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