Ask Lust: How Do I Find a Third Person for a Threesome?

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Dear Ask Lust,
My girlfriend wants us to have a threesome together with someone else, and I'm up for it (although admittedly not as much as her), so we're trying to find a third person. But I have no idea where to start. How do we find someone? I don't really want to approach one of our friends. And how do we even "do the deed", and make sure it's not awkward, one of us doesn't get upset, etc? Any help, advice, or comments are much appreciated!
—Danny

Hi Danny. I’m very glad you asked this question because finding a third person (also known as a “unicorn”) for a threesome can be tricky! From where to look for someone and how to approach them, to how you should act on the night, I’ve got some tips for you.

It goes without saying that before you try to find a unicorn for a threesome, you and your partner should have a proper chat about why you want to have a threesome. Are you both into it? Is it a shared fantasy or something that you want to experiment with together? Threesomes definitely shouldn’t be used to fix a problem within your relationship. You should speak about what you each want to get out of the threesome, what sort of sex you want to experience, the type of person you want to do it with, and how you will deal with feelings of jealousy or insecurity, before you start looking for a third.

For more expert insight on navigating threesomes and making them enjoyable for everyone involved, check out What to Know Before You Enter a Threesome as a Couple by Dr. Zhana, in our Lust Guides.

First of all, unicorns are people too

Unicorns earn their name because they’re pretty rare, and while there are people who like sleeping with couples, there are definitely more couples than unicorns out there. So, for the third person, especially on apps geared towards how to find a threesome, it can become quite overwhelming with the number of couples who contact you and sometimes treat you like a piece of meat. You should take time to get to know someone before presuming that they will want to have sex with you and your partner. Remember that unicorns are people with their own feelings, needs, and desires - they’re not there to fulfil yours and your partner’s sexual fantasies. They have their own fantasy, too.

Secondly, if you’re a heterosexual couple looking for a third, don’t assume that all bisexual people are up for a threesome. A lot of bisexual people on dating apps receive daily invitations for threesomes, which can get pretty exhausting when they’re not looking to be a unicorn for a heterosexual couple in the first place.

How to find a third for a threesome

If you don’t want to have your threesome with someone you already know and would prefer to find a stranger, the easiest way to find someone can be on a dating app. There are plenty of threesome-specific dating apps now, like Feeld, 3somer, 3way, and 3Fun. Or you can get on good old-fashioned Tinder or Bumble and make it very clear that you’re a couple looking for a third on your profile. Whichever app you use, you should always make both partners prominent on the profile and include in the description your intention that you’re looking for a threesome. Make sure there are photos of both of you, so that potential thirds can decide if they’re attracted to both of you.

Please, do not make a profile as a single person and then later drop the bomb that you’re in a relationship & looking for a threesome after you’ve matched with someone. This happens daily and is just time wasting for people who are not looking for threesomes.

If you prefer to meet someone out there IRL, you have to be cautious and respectful.If you approach someone in a bar, get to know them first and take your time before asking if they would be interested.

Before you have the threesome

You’ve found a unicorn, congratulations! You’re one step closer to your threesome fantasy, but do not miss this next crucial step — three-way communication.

The three of you should meet somewhere neutral to get to know each other before committing to the threesome. Just because you’ve all agreed to meet doesn't mean that the threesome is definite. You need to see how the chemistry is together and if you all like each other. When you first meet, it should not be at your house or at the place where you are planning to have the threesome; choose somewhere more public and neutral, such as a coffee shop or a bar.

Once you’ve all met and if everyone is happy to go ahead, then you should discuss the plan and get into the nitty-gritty details of your three-way. Having sex, regardless of how many people are involved, means setting boundaries, communicating, and navigating individual desires. Things to consider and discuss:

• Sexual Health — Discuss everyone’s sexual health status. When was the last time you took an STI test? Will you all do a test before so you can show each other the results before having sex? Disclosing your sexual health status is required for all parties to have access to informed consent
• Safer Sex — Condoms, gloves, lube… What do you need, and who will bring it? I suggest that the couple provide everything.
• Expectations & Desires — What are you each hoping to get from the experience? Not just the couple, the unicorn too. Be open about your expectations and desires.
• Pleasure — Talk about your likes/dislikes, where you like to be touched, what turns you on, etc. Do you want to use sex toys? Will there be penetration? What type of sex do you each enjoy?
• Boundaries — Each of you should set clear boundaries. If anyone has a “no-go” area, they should be able to communicate with them. Setting boundaries will help keep you safe and make the experience more pleasurable for everyone involved.

How to have the threesome

So, you’re all keen for the threesome, you’ve communicated your desires and boundaries; congratulations, you’re ready for some fun.

Be sure to set a nice environment, make sure the space is clean, and the lighting is nice. Light some candles, put on some relaxing music, you know the drill. You should also have everything prepared already - lube, protection, sex toys if you’re using them, and a clean bathroom for people to freshen up afterwards.

How the actual sex goes is completely individual and dependent on what you all discussed earlier. Maybe there will be penetration, maybe there won’t, maybe you will all be having sex, maybe someone won’t be as involved. Whatever you all agreed on before, stick to it so there are no nasty surprises.

Be sure to engage in conversations of consent throughout the experience - check in with everyone and ask how things are feeling. If you want to learn more about how to make consent sexy, check out these top tips from sexologist Avril Louise Clarke. Above all, take care of your unicorn’s feelings and wants. They should leave feeling respected and appreciated, the same as any person you have sex with.

Remember that the end goal here is a satisfying, pleasurable experience for all three of you. So, go ahead and enjoy it!

If you’re curious about keeping a casual or ongoing connection with a third person, read How to Make the Most Out of a Friends with Benefits Relationship for practical tips on boundaries, communication, and ethical, sexy fun with friends.

Get excited with threesome porn: The sexiest films of three

A threesome can be an invitation to see oneself differently — to notice the way your body moves when surrounded by more skin, more heat, more touch. With three, pleasure takes on new shapes. It can be playful, tender, fierce, or all at once. There’s beauty in the choreography of more bodies, in finding creativity within the moment, and in exploring sides of sexuality you didn’t expect to meet. These films celebrate that freedom, showing how desire can expand when you let it. Get ready to get excited as you explore the magic of three.

1. Three
   Get inspired by Three — the groundbreaking Lust Cinema original you can watch for free. This erotic series follows three lovers as they explore desire, affection, and the messy, beautiful world of nontraditional relationships. It’s not just about the sex (though you’ll find plenty of it). It’s about how passion, vulnerability, and connection deepen when more than two people let themselves fall. With cinematic visuals, layered storytelling, and raw chemistry, Three proves that a love affair of three is as intoxicating emotionally as it is physically.

2.Guilty In Love
We start our list off strong with a celebration of connection and pure, slow-burn chemistry. This sensual FFF threesome unfolds with glass dildos, double penetration, and raw lesbian heat. If you’re drawn to tattoos, curious about scissoring, or craving to see her orgasm again and again, this short film delivers.

3.A Spanking Hike with MySweetApple
Take a playful “spanking hike” through the sunlit hills of Málaga, Spain, with a real-life couple as they happen to find their unicorn third. This intimate FFM threesome begins with teasing touches in the great outdoors and builds to an irresistible homecoming — double blow jobs, facesitting, rimming, and a palpable connection that only genuine chemistry can create. Shot in an authentic amateur POV style, it’s an exhibitionist fantasy with heart.

Want to learn more about the pleasures you’ve just seen? Read our Lust Guides on Facesitting and Rimming for expert tips, techniques, and inspiration to try them yourself.

How to find a threesome FAQs

1. How do we avoid making our unicorn feel like a “third wheel”?
   Give them equal attention — emotionally and physically. Avoid in-jokes or long couple-only moments during the encounter.

2. What if one of us starts feeling jealous during the threesome?
Have a “pause” signal agreed in advance so you can step back without killing the mood. Check in privately if needed.

3. Should we pay for the unicorn’s travel, drinks, or hotel room?
If you’re hosting, provide the space and supplies. If you’re going to a hotel or event together, offer to cover costs as a gesture of respect.

4. Is it better to find someone single or someone in an open/poly relationship?
Both can work — but if they’re partnered, make sure their partner is informed and consenting. Avoid drama by getting everyone’s agreement up front.

5. How do we keep the experience discreet if needed?
Talk about privacy beforehand — no posting photos, tagging on social media, or sharing details without consent.

6. Should we stay in contact with the unicorn afterward?
That’s up to all parties — some prefer one-time encounters, others like an ongoing arrangement. Discuss it in advance to avoid awkwardness.

7. What if our unicorn catches feelings for one of us?
Acknowledge it quickly and honestly — don’t ghost or let it fester. Be clear about the limits of your arrangement from the start.

8. Is group sex safer in public play spaces than at home?
Sometimes, yes — sex clubs or kink events often have safer-sex supplies, rules, and staff that keep boundaries in check.

9. How do we handle performance anxiety?
Take breaks, laugh off awkward moments, and focus on pleasure, not mainstream porn-style “perfect” sex.

10. How do we avoid being seen as predatory on apps?
Use respectful language in your bio, don’t send unsolicited sexual photos, and only approach people who’ve indicated they’re open to couples.

Your next threesome starts here

Whether you’re ready to explore your first threesome, curious about how to find a unicorn for a threesome, or simply looking for inspiration to spark your next fantasy, Erika Lust’s adult cinema is here to lead the way. Discover these handpicked threesome films — and hundreds more stories of desire, intimacy, and exploration — all beautifully shot and driven by authentic connection, only at ERIKALUST.